Sex Tape (2014)

Sex Tape (2014)

 

2/10

Starring

Cameron Diaz

Jason Segel

Rob Corddry

Ellie Kemper

Rob Lowe

Directed by Jake Kasdan

When you first start watching this movie, you’ll think it has potential. A couple makes a sex tape and accidentally distributes it—sounds fun, doesn’t it? It seems like an easy enough premise, and there are so many ways the movie could have gone to make it great and funny. Instead, the writers decided to make it feel like a bunch of guys knew what needed to happen and just tried their best to force it.

What I mean is:
The cast felt off, and the acting wasn’t worth what these actors are paid. The actors seemed so eager to get to the sex tape part that it felt like they were just jerking around on screen, waiting for things to begin. The script, though based on a simple idea, didn’t go anywhere. The movie’s plot starts and ends with “they made a sex tape and now have to retrieve it.”

Then there are the lines in the movie. It felt like the director was so eager to get the whole thing started that they forgot about building up a reasonable story. It was more like, “Let’s just get the shenanigans over with and make the sex tape already.”

Nothing good came out of the 90 minutes I invested in watching this movie, and I feel like I would’ve been better off not seeing it.

Here’s the plot: The movie starts off a little raw, with Cameron Diaz getting very graphic in her explanation of her sex life with her husband, Jason Segel. The couple, Jay and Annie, used to have a lot of sex, but after Annie gets pregnant and they get married, their whole life changes. They seem to plan to have sex more often than they actually do, with kids and work getting in the way. Their life feels like it’s at a standstill.

Then Annie sends the kids off to her mom’s house, and she and Jay decide to have some fun. This inspires them to make a sex tape—a three-hour-long one, no less.

Jay forgets to delete the tape, and it gets uploaded to his cloud, syncing to all his iPads. Here’s the stupid part: Jay buys a new iPad every time one comes out, and he buys two each time. He gives away the old ones to pretty much anyone who comes his way.

This movie was a stupid waste of my time and money. I don’t believe it was a financial success, and honestly, please don’t see it.

Let's Be Cops (2014)

Let’s Be Cops (2014)

3/10

Starring

Jake Johnson

Damon Wayans Jr.

Directed by Luke Greenfield

Here’s my conclusion on this movie: Johnson and Wayans Jr. have good on-screen chemistry, but the script feels like it was written by toddlers who think being a cop is cool. The movie is directed and written by Luke Greenfield (Something Borrowed (2011)).

Let’s Be Cops is supposed to be an action-comedy about two friends who pretend to be cops in a town full of fools—that town being LA. This movie is an insult to the police force and an insult to viewers. Nothing in the movie made enough sense to make me laugh at the predicament the two friends found themselves in, and nothing meaningful happened that would make you want to recommend this movie to anyone.

Yet, Let’s Be Cops was a financial success. Why? Because we love comedy, and anything that promises to make us laugh will get us rushing to see it. That’s why I watched it—I wanted to laugh. But in the end, I wished I had spent my time doing something else.

The movie stars Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr., who are both from the FOX TV comedy series New Girl. Personally, I think the show is lame and not funny, so seeing these two try something else made me think, “Hey, maybe they can pull it off.”

The movie is about two life-long friends—or, better yet, two life-long losers. Justin (Damon Wayans Jr.) is a video game designer struggling to pitch a game about policemen to his employers, and Ryan (Jake Johnson) is a washed-up college quarterback whose career ended because of his own stupidity.

On their way to a college reunion, Ryan convinces Justin to go dressed as cops, only to find out it’s a masquerade party. They leave upset, but while walking home, people on the street start treating them like real cops. The idea sticks, and Ryan convinces Justin to keep pretending to be cops for real. They buy a used cop car, and the charade continues. At first, it’s going well—they get respect and attention from women—until they get into major trouble with gangsters.

The movie made ten times its production cost (which is a surprise), but I hope the producers don’t take that as a sign to make another. With all the sequels and reboots churning out of Hollywood, I hope this movie stays a one-part story and never sees the light of day again.

The Lego Movie (2014)

The Lego Movie (2014)

8/10

Starring the Voice of

Chris Pratt

Will Ferrell

Elizabeth Banks

Will Arnett

Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

The Lego Movie is a movie I delayed seeing because I thought, “What could they possibly have smoked to decide to make this?”

Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009), 21 Jump Street (2012), and 22 Jump Street (2014)), they did a wonderful job keeping me glued to the screen. This movie was fun to watch and, may I say, a masterpiece. The script was airtight, the directing was great, and the voice casting was fantastic. With talents like Will Arnett, Will Ferrell, Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Liam Neeson, and Morgan Freeman, I had the time of my life just listening to them talk.

I enjoyed every minute of this movie, and the characters’ lines killed me. I was laughing my head off and couldn’t help but share the jokes with anyone who cared to listen.

The Lego franchise has proven to be profitable as toys and in the gaming industry, but now it’s shown it can dominate the movie industry too. The movie grossed over $468 million at the box office alone, based on a $60 million budget.

The animation style of the movie is spot-on. Considering the characters are Lego toys, their movements and the various incidents that took place on screen felt exactly like what you’d expect if you were playing with Lego bricks yourself. The movie wasn’t entirely animated, though—there were also moments where we got to see the people who owned the Lego sets, especially the young boy whose imagination we were watching.

His imagination created a world (Lego World) where everyone does the same thing day in and day out: watching the same show, liking the same song, and following instructions laid down by Lord Business. Then there are the rebels, who believe the people of this world should be free to think and do as they please. These rebels are the Master Builders, who can, at the snap of a finger, create anything from the Lego bricks around them.

Lord Business is tired of always having to keep things in order, so he devises an evil plan to freeze everyone in Lego World exactly where he wants them. The only thing standing in his way is “The Special,” an ordinary, law-abiding citizen who will turn the tide against him.

By the end of the movie, I was sad because I wanted more. But I guess I’ll have to wait for the next Lego Movie.

The Expendables 3 (2014)

The Expendables 3 (2014)

4/10

Starring

Sylvester Stallone

Jason Statham

Antonio Banderas

Directed by Patrick Hughes

The Expendables 3 was, to me, a total waste of time. The guys tried to bring back the glory days of action movies with The Expendables (2010) and The Expendables 2 (2012), but here it felt like they were having fun while we weren’t.

This third installment is the longest in the series so far, and it added Wesley Snipes, Harrison Ford, and Mel Gibson (as the antagonist) to the mix. The extra runtime didn’t add to the fun—it just delayed the inevitable conclusion that “I just wasted my time watching this.” The film felt never-ending, with the young crew Barney (Sylvester Stallone) put together mixing with the old crew, flooding the screen with too many people trying not to get killed.

I didn’t enjoy any of the fight scenes or sequences, unlike in The Expendables 2 (2012), where the final fight was worth the wait. Here, the final fight was dull. I know Mel Gibson wasn’t much of a fistfighter in his movies, so I wasn’t expecting much, but I didn’t expect such crappy fight choreography either. Simon West (Con Air (1997) and Black Hawk Down (2001)), in my opinion, is a better director (judging only by this movie series) than Patrick Hughes. For me, West made the best use of the ensemble cast.

Here’s the movie’s plot: Barney and his crew are on a mission (their second one after extracting former Expendables member Doctor Death, played by Wesley Snipes, from prison) to intercept an arms deal. Barney discovers that the arms dealer is Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), the Expendables’ co-founder. The interception goes sour, and Barney almost loses his team, with one member in critical condition at the hospital.

Barney decides to go after Conrad again, but this time with a new, younger team. It seems like a good idea at first, but the plan quickly falls apart. Conrad captures the new team and forces Barney to come rescue them. Barney then turns to his old team to get the job done, with help from Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jet Li.

The movie wasn’t all bad, but the jokes were terrible. Antonio Banderas, however, wouldn’t stop talking. It was annoying at first, but after a while, I found myself bored whenever he wasn’t on screen blabbing.

To anyone who hasn’t had the “privilege” of seeing this movie yet—don’t, the movie does not meet up to the needed expectations.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman (2014)

Mr. Peabody and Sherman (2014)

6/10

Starring the voice of

Ty Burrell

Max Charles

Ariel Winter

Leslie Mann

Stephen Colbert

Allison Janney

Directed by Rob Minkoff

I haven’t seen any episodes of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show to accurately judge if the characters were well adapted, but from my perspective, this animation was worth every minute. Directed by the co-director of The Lion King (1994), Mr. Peabody & Sherman features the voice talents of Ty Burrell (as Mr. Peabody), who we know as Phil from the TV series Modern Family, and Max Charles as Sherman.

Produced by DreamWorks Animation, the only downside for me was that the intro felt too short and thin. It took a while to get used to what was going on, but once I did, it was colorful fun all the way. Reading up about the characters, I realized that Sherman was changed from Mr. Peabody’s pet to his adopted son. This change worked well for the movie because, let’s face it, a little boy as a pet wouldn’t sit well with most people.

This blast-through-the-past movie is set in a world where a dog can talk, walk on his hind legs, and has an IQ probably higher than Einstein’s. The dog, named Mr. Peabody, adopts a son he names Sherman. Sherman, an orphan boy Peabody found in a box, travels with him around the world and through time in Mr. Peabody’s WABAC machine.

Later, Sherman has an issue with a girl at his school, which catches the attention of social services. They start questioning how Peabody is raising Sherman. To smooth things over, Peabody invites the girl and her parents for dinner. However, the girl and Sherman end up traveling to the past in the WABAC machine and refuse to return to the present. Sherman comes back to get Mr. Peabody so they can retrieve her before her parents notice she’s missing.

Despite being a commercial failure, the movie received some cool reviews. I think its lack of success is because many people didn’t have a clue who these characters were and weren’t willing to give it a try.

So, if you’re in the mood for some fun and action, I recommend giving this movie a watch. It might just be the best decision you’ve made. The animation is on point, and just when the plot starts to lose its tempo, amazing things happen on screen before you can even think about dozing off. The voice casting is fantastic, and the directing is rich. Enough of my thoughts—go see the movie. You’ll be glad you did.

22 Jump Street (2014)

22 Jump Street (2014)

7/10

Starring

Jonah Hill

Channing Tatum

Peter Stormare

Ice Cube

Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

Here’s a comedy that, even though you know it’s the same old thing all over again, still manages to make you laugh the entire time. The script is crazy and funny—just what the doctor ordered for anyone who’s laugh-deprived. I really couldn’t believe that I would still enjoy a second part, but I did.

22 Jump Street played to the strengths of both actors, and they both seemed perfectly fit for their roles. For me, it felt like the characters grew a little in this movie, which had an excellent blend of comedy and action—good enough for a buddy cop flick.

In 22 Jump Street, the bromantic love between the two characters is tested, and it’s fun to see how they handle competition or a third party. The ironic thing is, you’d think the third party would be a girl…
Another thing I loved about the movie is how everyone, including the actors, knew it was the same old stuff all over again—except this time, our bromance is happening in college.

As far as acting goes, I was impressed by everyone in this movie and really appreciated that Ice Cube was given a larger role.

Like its predecessor (21 Jump Street (2012)), the movie is based on a TV series of the same name that aired between the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. The star of the show back then was Johnny Depp.

Now, the stars are Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum, who play Morton Schmidt and Greg Jenko, respectively.

Our duo made it through high school in the first movie. Here, they have to make it through college and bust a drug ring. The drug they’re trying to stop is called Whyphy (Work Hard Yes, Play Hard Yes).
In high school, Schmidt was the popular kid, and Jenko was seen as the weirdo. This time, the roles are reversed: Jenko becomes the popular kid, and Schmidt is the odd one out.

At the end of the movie, the credits show the endless possibilities for where the producers could take this franchise. 22 Jump Street was both a critical and financial success, paving the way for a third installment, which I hear is in the works.

I may have preferred the first movie, but I have to admit—it’s not often that a sequel does well enough to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with its predecessor. That said, I think this movie is one of the exceptions.

Son of Batman (2014)

Son of Batman (2014)

4/10

Starring the voice of

Jason O'Mara

Stuart Allan

Thomas Gibson

Morena Baccarin

Directed by Ethan Spaulding

Son of Batman: I saw Assault on Arkham before this, even though Son of Batman came out first. While I felt Assault on Arkham had too many characters trying to achieve a task, making the movie drag more than it should have, Son of Batman is a drag mainly because they changed the story. Why they did this? I don’t know.

The whole father-and-son bonding thing and making Talia al Ghul look like a caring mother was just nauseating. For those who haven’t read the Batman and Son story arc, Talia actually sent Damian to Bruce as a distraction while she carried out her evil plot—not to protect him.

The entire story was changed, even down to the inclusion of Nightwing and Deathstroke. Neither of them was in the original story. So, the idea of making Deathstroke the antagonist, who’s after the League of Assassins’ top position, felt like a hoax. When you make up a hoax like that, you have to sell it with the characters we know and love, not change their behaviors just to fit your story. I watched this flick with my hands in the air, wondering if I was watching an alternate universe version of the Batman and Son story arc.

Here, the story goes south from the beginning. Deathstroke attacks the League of Assassins and kills Ra’s al Ghul (before Ra’s can use the Lazarus Pit to revive himself). Deathstroke then goes after Damian, trying to kill him as the heir to the League of Assassins. He fails, and Talia (Damian’s mother and Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter) takes Damian to his father, Batman/Bruce Wayne, for protection.

In the Wayne mansion, Damian struggles to adjust since the only life he knows is fight, fight, fight. He sneaks off multiple times, trying to find Deathstroke and avenge his grandfather’s death. Batman stops him, preventing revenge from clouding his judgment and almost getting him killed. Batman then trains him to be Robin, and together they hunt down Deathstroke—Damian fueled by revenge, and Batman trying to figure out what Deathstroke is up to.

I wish they had stuck to the original story, as it would have made the movie more meaningful. All these changes made, didn’t add the needed fun to the movie, just made you think more than you needed to. Sometimes change is good when it is done well, but here it was a drag.

The Birdcage (1996)

The Birdcage (1996)

7/10

Staring

Robin Williams

Gene Hackman

Nathan Lane

Directed by Mike Nichols

I had never seen The Birdcage before, so you can imagine my shock with the cast. I thought, “What a weird combo.” Also, I am surprised that it took me this long to hear about the movie.

Robin Williams and Gene Hackman in a comedy movie about drag queens? What I was most curious about was seeing Gene Hackman dressed up as a woman and performing.
I don’t want to drop a spoiler here, but we didn’t get the privilege of seeing all that. What we did get, though, is a perfect dramedy. This movie has a cast you’ll love, blended so perfectly that you’ll wish it never ends.

This wonderful movie is a remake of the 1978 Italian film La Cage aux Folles. The American version is highly rated and, if I may say so, one of the best Robin Williams movies out there. The masterful performances of Williams and Hackman put them above the rest in this movie—for lack of better words, “they owned this flick.”

The movie also addresses the issue of pretending to be someone else just to make others comfortable. It’s something common in our society, but it’s not the way to go. As Williams’ character learns, you can only keep up the act for so long. Eventually, the mask comes off, and everyone sees who you really are. The best thing is to just be yourself.

The movie tells the story of a gay couple, Armand Goldman (Robin Williams) and Albert (Nathan Lane), who have a son, Val (how Val came to be is something you’ll find out as you watch). Val is getting married, and he and his fiancée, Barbara (Calista Flockhart), lied to her parents about what Armand does for a living and didn’t mention his sexuality at all. Val then tells his biological father (Robin Williams) not to bring his partner, Albert, to the meeting of both parents.

Val goes even further to solidify his lie and avoid the truth. He makes Armand change his entire lifestyle and pretend to be straight to impress his future wife’s father (Gene Hackman). As you can guess, things don’t go according to plan.

Aside from being nominated for AFI’s 100 Years...100 Laughs, this movie was also a commercial success. Unlike some overrated commercial successes, this movie was worth every penny—and more—that it made.
This isn’t just a classic to see; it’s a classic to buy and keep it is worth seeing over and over again.

Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014)

Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014)

5/10

Voice acting by

Kevin Conroy

Neal McDonough

Hynden Walch

Matthew Gray Gubler

Directed by Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding

Batman: Assault on Arkham is different from the rest of the DC Universe direct-to-video animations. The movie has dark elements, raw action scenes with blood and heads blown off, and sexual content that includes nudity (though no explicit nude scenes) and references to sex.

In this poorly written script, Batman feels more like a supporting actor to the annoying Deadshot and the obnoxious Harley Quinn (the Joker’s girl). The movie relies heavily on the interactions within the Suicide Squad to carry the story, leaving me questioning why some of these villains were even included in the squad in the first place. You must forgive me, I have never read the Suicide Squad comic and this is my first introduction to it.

If you’re into animation, the animation here is good enough. The characterization is also decent, and I’ll give credit to Heath Corson for that. I remember feeling a sense of joy when one of the villain characters died, and for that, I applaud the writer. It’s not often that a villain is so annoying and irritating that you just want them gone already.

The movie also features some of the classic Batman villains:

• The Riddler is the central focus of the movie, as his death is the Suicide Squad’s mission. We see him briefly at the beginning and the end.
• The Penguin makes a cameo appearance, helping the squad get closer to the Riddler.
• The Joker, who initially seems like just a mention, becomes a key part of the plot by the end.

The Suicide Squad is assembled by Amanda Waller to kill the Riddler, who was rescued from a black ops raid (ordered by Amanda) by Batman and placed in Arkham Asylum. Amanda wants to ensure that the information the Riddler possesses dies with him, so she puts together a team of villains—Black Spider, Captain Boomerang, Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Killer Frost, KGBeast, and King Shark (a.k.a. the Suicide Squad)—to get the job done.

Not everyone recruited makes it to the mission, but the team has to break into Arkham, kill the Riddler, and escape without Batman finding out. Of course, things don’t go as planned—otherwise, we wouldn’t have a movie.

My final note on this movie is that the writer tried something new by letting the main characters take a backseat while some wannabe villains (excluding Deadshot and Harley Quinn) take center stage. I liked the dark action and comedy, but I wish the script had been better.

Blazing Saddles (1974)

Blazing Saddles (1974)

7/10

Starring

Cleavon Little

Gene Wilder

Harvey Korman

Slim Pickens

Madeline Kahn

Mel Brooks

Dom DeLuise

Directed by Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks’ 1974 satirical western comedy is one for the record books. The master comedian put together a spoof above all spoofs, making every other spoof writer wish they could write like him.

The movie goes in the opposite direction of typical Hollywood films, as the hero is a black man in an all-white town. And only Mel Brooks could place German World War II soldiers in a western. His use of anachronism is something to respect. The movie also lacks a dominant character—everyone is just running around doing their own thing. In another movie, this might be annoying, but here, it flies right past you. By the end, you can’t quite remember who was doing what or even their names. All you remember is that you laughed and wondered what silly thing they’d do next.

So, what is Blazing Saddles about? Forget the title—it doesn’t do justice to what happens in the movie. There’s no hard riding or master jockeying. It’s about one man’s selfish ambition to build a railroad through a town called Rock Ridge.

Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman), the man in charge of the railroad construction, decides to buy the land in Rock Ridge for cheap by sending gangs to raid the town. This way, he can build the railroad through it without paying much. The townspeople send a message to the governor for help, and Hedley, the governor’s right-hand man (who makes all the decisions), sends them a black man as their sheriff—a man who was previously set to be hanged. Hedley’s plan is that the new sheriff won’t be able to save the town. But his ingenious idea backfires when the new sheriff, with the help of his deputy, a drunkard named Jim (the “Waco Kid”), rises to the challenge.

The movie was a whopping financial success. Made on a $2.6 million budget, it brought in over $119 million at the box office. The screenplay even had Richard Pryor as one of its contributors.
My favorite quote in the movie is when Harvey Korman says, “You men are only risking your lives, while I am risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor!”

The movie did receive Academy Award nominations: Best Actress in a Supporting Role for Madeline Kahn, Best Film Editing, and Best Music, Original Song. It didn’t win any, but it’s ranked number 6 on AFI’s 100 Years... 100 Laughs.

If you haven’t had the privilege of seeing this movie yet, you need to. You can’t leave this earth without having watched Blazing Saddles.