Samaritan (2022)

Samaritan (2022)

 

3/10

Starring

Sylvester Stallone

 

Directed by Julius Avery

 

I know Stallone played Dredd in the past and has been the hero in his prime, but playing a superhero with powers is a new one for me—and honestly, he failed to deliver much. His character was an old guy who was just indestructible. The intro of the movie felt like a rip-off of Nickelodeon’s Avatar intro and, fittingly, ended the same way: with the hero disappearing when he’s needed the most.

From there, the movie becomes so predictable that what was supposed to be a shocking reveal at the end turned out to be exactly what you’d expect. It’s like everyone else in the cast—except Stallone—skipped the acting class where they teach you how to sell a character and make it believable.

On top of that, the lazy writing seems to ignore a lot of important details. What about the aftermath of the chaos caused by Nemesis and his crew? The movie doesn’t show the consequences for the town after everything electrical shut down. Were parts of the city affected? Were there blackouts? And where were the cops? It’s like they forgot law enforcement exists. There’s no mention of an investigation or anyone trying to solve what’s going on.

You might say the movie chose to focus on other aspects, but watching it makes you realize why other movies don’t skip over these details. Showing the police involved in the chaos or the city struggling to recover from the damage adds weight to the events and makes the stakes feel real.

The plot revolves around two indestructible brothers who grew up in a place where they were feared. A tragic incident in their childhood drove them apart, creating two opposing worldviews: one brother (Samaritan) wants to save the world as a hero, while the other (Nemesis) wants to watch it burn.

Another tragedy struck, leading to one brother’s death in an inferno started by the other. Now, years later, the world hasn’t improved, and a young boy stumbles upon an old man who saves him from being beaten up. The boy sees the man bend the blade of a knife with his bare hands and realizes he’s found one of the brothers—Samaritan. His suspicions are confirmed when the old man survives being hit by a car.

Meanwhile, a group of criminals inspired by Nemesis wants to destroy the world and let it burn, and the young boy tries to convince Samaritan to step up and be a hero again.

In the end, this was a complete waste of time. Whatever potential the movie had died the moment they introduced that copied Avatar intro.

Bullet Train (2022)

Bullet Train (2022)

 7/10

 

Starring

Brad Pitt

Joey King

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Brian Tyree Henry

Andrew Koji

 

Directed by David Leitch

 

Bullet Train is one of those uselessly entertaining movies you can watch and enjoy. It has a Kill Bill vibe but leans on connecting all the action with some comedy.

For me, the fun is in the way the movie is written. Everything seems loose, and you can’t quite fit it all together to make sense—until the bad guy, White Death, ties it up for you at the end. His identity and face are revealed only at the very end (like the novel Moby Dick), when everyone involved has to face the big bad guy and his goons.

Every main character on the train is linked in one weird way or another. It was sad to see any of them die because I really enjoyed watching them all. Each was on a separate mission, but fate seemed to have brought them together—or so it seems.

The director did a great job, as did the screenwriter who adapted the Japanese novel Maria Beetle by Kōtarō Isaka. The action sequences are smooth and slick, and the fights are enjoyable, with elements of comedy added to every punch.

We’re introduced to a man codenamed Ladybug (Brad Pitt), who believes he’s one of the unluckiest men alive. He left his job as an assassin to try to find balance and overcome his belief that nothing good ever happens to him. After some unseen therapy sessions, he feels better and is ready to return to work. His handler gives him a simple snatch-and-grab job: get on a bullet train, grab a suitcase, and get off.

He boards the train, spots the suitcase easily, and immediately feels uncomfortable when he notices two other assassins, Lemon and Tangerine, onboard. Seeing them—and how simple his task seems—makes him anxious. He feels like something bad is going to happen and tries to get off the train.

Just as he’s about to leave, he’s attacked by another assassin, who coincidentally happens to be at the same door Ladybug is trying to exit. Ladybug is forced to deal with this unforeseen attack. Meanwhile, Lemon and Tangerine discover their suitcase—the ransom money they retrieved for White Death in exchange for his son—is missing. While arguing about their predicament, they also realize the man they saved has been killed during their brief distraction.

Now they suspect whoever took the suitcase was involved in the murder. Meanwhile, Ladybug, who took the suitcase, had nothing to do with their situation but is caught in a life-or-death scenario of his own.

A fun movie, definitely worth the theater money.

 

Day Shift (2022)

Day Shift (2022)

 

3/10

Starring

Jamie Foxx

Dave Franco

Snoop Dogg

Natasha Liu Bordizzo

 

Directed by J. J. Perry

 

Contains Spoilers

I’ve seen movies made purely for fun, where the characters’ enjoyment translates to the audience, making the viewing experience a joy. Unfortunately, this movie feels like the actors were the only ones laughing—while we, the viewers, were the punchline.

It’s badly written, woefully directed, and, aside from the actors doing what they’re paid to do, there’s nothing good to say about it. This is one of those movies that makes you realize Netflix desperately needs other studios to step up so real filmmakers can have the chance to create something amazing.

What’s the point of writing a movie with a textbook buddy pairing we’ve seen countless times before? And their big twist to spice it up? The weaker one pees his pants when he’s scared. Seriously, what the hell?

Day Shift is a vampire movie about a vampire hunter, played by Jamie Foxx, who’s down on his luck. He needs to raise money to prevent his ex-wife from moving to Florida and taking their daughter with her. He’s been kicked out of the vampire union for being reckless (predictable, right?), but the only way to earn the money he needs is to rejoin the union and work alongside a rookie. He’s assigned to the day shift and told to follow all the union rules if he doesn’t want to be kicked out again.

The twist? While working solo outside the union, he killed an old woman who turns out to be connected to a powerful vampire lady. This vampire has taken over all the vampire operations in L.A., killing off the former leaders, and now she’s hunting him for revenge.

And here comes one of the most frustrating clichés in movies: the bad guy captures someone, spends forever talking instead of killing them, and gives them ample time to escape or retaliate.

This vampire lady, who’s been hunting Jamie Foxx’s character for killing her family member, finally tracks him down at his ex-wife’s home. She captures his ex and daughter—and him too. At this point, I was dumbfounded. I thought, “Okay, maybe the movie still has a lot left to go, and she’s dragging things out so someone can come save him.” But no. She takes the family, completely unharmed, to her lair and leaves him alive.

No broken bones, no bites, no nothing. Just leaves him alive. The writers clearly had no idea how to justify his anger or motivation to save his family, so they just skipped logic altogether and left him perfectly fine to carry out a rescue mission.

The result? He gets to rescue his family, get revenge, and kill the main bad guy—but it all feels so hollow and unearned.

This movie is a complete waste of time. I’d give it a miss. It’s worthless.