Pain and Gain (2013)

Pain and Gain (2013)

6/10

Starring

Mark Wahlberg

Dwayne Johnson

Anthony Mackie

Directed by Michael Bay

There are many lessons from Pain and Gain, but one of them is not how to commit the perfect crime.
A friend of mine called this movie the best Michael Bay has ever done. I don’t know if he’s right, but I’ll leave you to decide.

Here are the lessons from the movie:

Lesson 1: Don’t believe everything you see in movies.
Pain and Gain is based on the true story of three men, led by Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), who decide to kidnap a millionaire and force him to sign over all his property.

Whether this sounds like a good idea or not isn’t the point. The point is, Daniel Lugo got the idea to commit this crime after watching movies about the “perfect crime.” What he failed to understand is that movies make crime look easy, and circumstances always work in favor of the lead actors.

When faced with a real crime, Lugo and his crew—Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson) and Adrian "Noel" Doorbal (Anthony Mackie)—found it nearly impossible to kidnap the man. And when they finally did, they discovered it wasn’t so easy to get him to sign over his fortune.

Lesson 2: If you’re dumb, DON’T GO INTO CRIME—you’ll get caught.
These guys were so foolish that halfway through the movie, you’re reminded this is a true story because some of the things they did were too stupid to believe.

First, it took them three attempts to kidnap someone. If that’s not a sign to give up, I don’t know what is. Then, after getting what they wanted, they were too incompetent to kill him properly. They got him drunk and staged a car accident—he survived. They set the car on fire with him in it—he survived. They ran him over—and he still survived. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie and see how three morons proved that killing someone can be harder than it looks.

Lesson 3: Only losers and fools have temper tantrums.
Lugo’s temper got him into more trouble than he could handle.

Lesson 4: If you’re the smartest person in your crew, you’re in the wrong crew.
If Lugo’s crew had someone smarter than him, I bet they would’ve told him straight up: crime doesn’t pay.

Pain and Gain is a fantastic movie. It’ll make you laugh, the acting is first-class, the cinematography is well done, and the direction is on point. If there’s a movie to skip this year, Pain and Gain isn’t it.