47 Ronin. Read
about it, watch the trailer, and then wait for the DVD to come out. Borrow it
and watch the last 20 minutes—if you absolutely must see this film. If it’s
also been a while since you’ve seen something truly awful, here’s one for you—a
total load of nonsense.
Contains Spoiler
The movie boasts some of the best Japanese actors and even throws in The Matrix (1999)
star Keanu Reeves. You’d expect an explosive movie, but to be honest, I had to
struggle to keep my eyes open while watching this. The buildup to the final
showdown was way too long, and when we finally got to meet the demons, I was
expecting more than what I saw. These were the guys who trained the hero, but
all they did was talk. Talk is cheap, men—do some moves! Free the whole
illusion, paparazzi!
And when Keanu’s
character had to take on the dragon lady, he sliced and diced her over and
over, but the dragon kept coming at him. I began to wonder if the dragon was
immune to pain or if her skin couldn’t be pierced.
But then, the dragon lady attacked the princess, and Keanu had to save
her—isn’t that what heroes do? Since the days of Mario Bros., they’ve been
saving princesses from evil villains, one of which was this dragon lady. By the
way, throughout the entire movie, I never fully grasped her agenda. But let’s
get back to what I was saying—when she went after the princess, all of a
sudden, the sword pierced her skin. In fact, Keanu’s character had some hidden
powers that we only got to see once in the whole 100 minutes of this movie.
WHAT A LOAD OF
RUBBISH.
I’ve never seen
a more boring face-off than this. When the main bad guy was taken on by the
supporting hero, I was expecting a well-crafted fight, but again, I was
disappointed.
The only good
thing in the movie was the acting. And the only reason you should see this
movie would be… well, to be honest, there’s no good enough reason to see this
movie. I heard it’s also going to be a financial disaster. That’s not good news
for any studio, but I’m not surprised.
Before I forget about the plot, here’s a summary: The bad guy wants to marry the daughter of another clan’s leader, who happens to like a half-breed named Kai (Keanu Reeves). The bad guy’s henchwoman is a witch who causes the death of the girl’s father and the exile of his protective guards—who happen to be samurai. Kai and the samurai are exiled from the village, then they reunite and seek revenge. (Something like that.)
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