Michael (1996)

Michael (1996)

3/10

Starring

John Travolta

Andie MacDowell

William Hurt

Bob Hoskins

Robert Pastorelli

 

Directed by Nora Ephron

 

When I was much younger and saw Michael, I could not fully understand or pinpoint what was off, but I knew the film didn't have the same impact I expected from a John Travolta movie.

I blamed it on my younger self's inability to fully comprehend the film, but now, as an adult, I can confidently say that Michael is one of the most pointless films about an angel I’ve ever seen.

Are you seriously telling me that the archangel Michael is so jobless that his mission on Earth is to make two people fall in love? Is this really the most important task in his divine agenda?

Now that the two of them are in love, it did not solve world hunger, or bring about world peace, just two new lovebirds, who if they have children will add to the growing overpopulation of the world.

The story is so disjointed and lacking any cohesive elements that I can’t fathom how I let my sister convince me to rewatch it. She didn’t find it entertaining either, but she insisted on seeing it because, as children, we were both huge John Travolta fans.

So, what exactly is Michael about? Well, for anyone lucky enough to have missed this film, here’s a quick rundown:

Michael follows the archangel Michael (played by Travolta), who descends to Earth to help an elderly woman with her problems. At the start, two well-known journalists from the National Mirror are tasked with getting Michael to Chicago. When they finally meet him, they quickly realize that Michael has other reasons for being on Earth, and he specifically chose to travel with these three individuals. Along for the ride are Frank and Huey, the journalists, and Dorothy, a woman who their boss claims is an "angel expert."

Upon meeting Michael, they are shocked by his behavior and the way he speaks. Michael is staying with the woman he’s come to help, and despite his divine status, he decides to accompany them to Chicago.

Instead of flying, Michael insists on a road trip, refusing to have his picture taken until they reach Chicago. The rest of the film follows their journey, revealing that Michael, though an angel, harbors personal desires and intentions beyond simply helping those in need.

Michael’s actions and mannerisms during the trip aren’t intriguing, but rather borderline irritating. Their stops along the way seem nonsensical, as Michael’s decisions defy any logical explanation.

It felt like watching a horny angel trying to sleep around.

Avoid this movie at all costs if you value your sanity and probably your innocence.

Ladyhawke (1985)

Ladyhawke (1985)

 6/10

Starring

Matthew Broderick

Rutger Hauer

Michelle Pfeiffer

Leo McKern

John Wood

 

Directed by Richard Donner

 

I enjoyed this film more than I thought I would. Although it didn’t fully capitalize on the swordplay and sorcery combination, it managed to deliver an entertaining adventure romance, with twists and turns that I did not expect at all. I appreciated how the film kept some secrets, only revealing them halfway through.

Matthew Broderick brought the comedy, with his wisecracks hitting home at just the right moments, while the rest of the cast were more serious and handled all the adult stuff.

Visually, the film was enjoyable, and the cinematography stood out. However, its story prevented the film from becoming a classic and achieving major box office success at the time. Still, it was worth the time spent watching it. It was like the movie was tethered by its own need to have a masterful twist, that it never fully took off.

Set in medieval times when the church held power through the fear of God, the film takes place in a land called Aquila. The story revolves around two lovers who are cursed. The curse is in the form of keeping them apart. The curse makes sure that neither can see the other in their true human form.

Parallel to this, we follow a thief named Philippe Gaston (Broderick), who accidentally falls into a hole and uses the opportunity to escape his dungeon on the day of his scheduled execution.

The bishop, displeased with Gaston’s escape, sends the captain of the guard with a team to hunt him down and kill him. Gaston, however, takes his escape for granted, only to find himself celebrating in a bar, where he accidentally runs into the captain and his men disguised as regular patrons. After being caught, Gaston is rescued by Etienne of Navarre, the former Captain of the Guard of Aquila.

Etienne’s appearance causes a stir, and he helps Gaston flee. He takes him along on a mission to get back to Aquila, where he has unfinished business with the bishop.

Through the journey the movie makes you loose focus of somethings, when Gaston meets a woman, who always happen to be around when Etienne is not. Then Gaston learns more of the curse which were on these lovers, and who these lovers were and how he can be able to help them break the curse, and in the end gain revenge on the Bishop.

I enjoyed the film so much that I plan to watch it again.

Krull (1983)

Krull (1983)

 

2/10

 

Starring

 Ken Marshall

Lysette Anthony

Freddie Jones

Francesca Annis

Directed by Peter Yates

 

Krull is a perfect example of a good idea gone wrong. It begins with a prophecy about a future savior, planting a seed that the film will involve some kind of time jump, only to never deliver. This makes the introduction feel pointless. Set in a distant galaxy, the planet Krull is invaded by aliens, and the visuals, considering it was made in the 80s, are impressive. However, the story is so absurd that it’s difficult to understand how anyone thought this would work on screen without some serious rewrites.

The plot centers on a princess, whose child is supposed to save the world. But as quickly as this plot point is introduced, it is discarded. The princess is kidnapped by the alien leader, though the film never makes clear why. The kidnapping happened when the princess and a prince were to marry to unite their kingdoms. The battle that ensues in the wedding kidnap is a massacre, as swords are utterly ineffective against laser guns. Miraculously, the prince survives the attack, though this is without any backstory or real emotional investment in the character.

So, as you can guess the prince has to go save the princess. We are then introduced to a mysterious character known as "the Old One" which to me is a stupid name. He gives no explanation about who he is, but his purpose seems to be the one to guide the prince. He did this using vague hints that are confusing and offer no real substance. What we know is that, the prince is to follow him to get information on how to save the princess.

Along the way, they meet several other pointless characters, each adding nothing to the story. One group of bandits, who inexplicably joins the quest, are convinced by the Old One’s nonsensical speech.

The film continues in this manner, with random events and characters being thrown in without explanation, leaving viewers to wonder how any of this is connected. The plot feels like something a child might dream up during a long afternoon of daydreaming. As much as the visual effects try to carry the film, they can’t make up for the lack of coherence and logic in the narrative.

Watching Krull felt like wasting valuable time, as I struggled to understand how such an incoherent script could ever be considered worth filming. Even re-reading this post, I can see how incoherent it sounds, but this is the movie plot.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of depression knowing I had spent part of my life watching this film.