The Package (2018)

The Package (2018)

6/10

Starring

Daniel Doheny

Geraldine Viswanathan

Sadie Calvano

Luke Spencer Roberts

Eduardo Franco

Directed by Jake Szymanski

It is not every day you get to watch one of those very stupid movies with no aim to inform. Neither is it every day you get to see one of those stupid movies that end up being entertaining. But when you do get to see such movies they are like a diamond in the rock.

Netflix’s The Package is such a movie and the problem with movies like this is, it is on the borderline of hate it or love it depending on the kind of stupid you enjoy. When the movie is over there is no lesson learnt or an “aww” moment all you have is an experience you enjoyed but wouldn’t mind not relieving it for some years.

The Package is all round sexually charged, which other than the characters watching porn there is no sex or nudity from any character in this movie. So, in the case you are looking for some sex, wrong movie all we have here is a director/writers’ insatiable amount of reference. These references are understandable as the movie is about three teenagers trying to get a severed penis to their friend/brother, who cut it off by mistake.

Yes, the owner of the penis cut his own penis off by mistake and here is how it happened.

These three friends planned a guy’s trip to the woods for some camping and bonding. One of the guys is a twin and his twin sister just got her heart broken and their parent told her brother that she has to come with them. So, she brings along her friend who used to have a fling with one of the guys.

Before embarking on this trip, the guys use a fake army ID to buy alcohol before heading to the woods to get drunk and have some fun camping. Yes, one of the guys was hoping to get laid and all that, but things didn’t go the way he wanted because a prank ended up having one of them cut his penis off by accident.

The rest being a little smart put it on ice and called 911. The helicopter shows up and I will have to drop a spoiler here, but do not worry if everything had gone well the movie would have been 27 minutes long. They gave the wrong cooler to the emergency team and now they must find a way to get to the hospital with the right cooler with their friend/brother’s dick in it.

The movie is all about this journey, there was some dick biting, dick sucking, deep dick cleaning and many other unimaginable things happened to this penis on its way to be reattached.

Like I said, if you do not like such movies… you will dislike this one too. If you are like me and such things do not bother you, here is a movie for you this weekend.