Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021)

Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021)

 

4/10

Starring

Ryan Reynolds

Samuel L. Jackson

Salma Hayek

Antonio Banderas

Morgan Freeman

 

Directed by Patrick Hughes

 

Like the first movie, get ready for some impossible things happening—explosions, fire, gunfights everywhere, and our protagonist somehow dodging anything deadly. Speaking of sequels, this movie feels like it’s cut from the same branch as the first, with sexually perverse conversations, occasional humor, and two men who clearly admire each other but fight off the mushy stuff. Safe to say, even though this movie isn’t as tolerable as the first, if you enjoyed the weak plot and clichés of the original, there’s a good chance you’ll like this one too.

There must be a market for movies like this—ones that never bother to make sense, relying instead on endless action and sexual humor scattered throughout.

This time around, the villain is a lone soldier determined to put Greece back on the map by using a weapon of mass destruction to mess up Europe. His grand plan for revenge, stemming from Greece’s weakened economy, seems to miss a few key points. The idea that destroying Europe will somehow restore Greece’s prominence isn’t exactly in line with any economic principles I’ve heard of.

After the events of the first movie, Michael (Ryan Reynolds) is struggling to move on. His stint as Kincaid’s (Samuel L. Jackson) bodyguard left him shaken and wrecked his triple-A bodyguard status. If you remember, his obsession with being a triple-A bodyguard was amusing in the first film. Here, it feels like a tired gag you want to fast-forward through.

Also, I don’t get it—Michael is supposed to be an alert, sharp bodyguard who claims he can detect lies from twenty subtle signs. Yet, he completely misses the fact that his therapist, clearly fed up with his triple-A and Kincaid nonsense, is trying to get rid of him. This wasn’t the only production hiccup, either. I spotted some editing errors, like Sonia standing behind Michael during his “no killing” speech, only for the screen to suddenly cut to her being somewhere else entirely.

Anyway, the bad guy (Antonio Banderas) wants to destroy Europe. Meanwhile, we’re introduced to an American misfit—a cop who embodies every annoying, over-the-top stereotype imaginable. He’s like a mashup of every ridiculous character from bad cop comedies, with a sprinkling of Lt. Harris from Police Academy.

This cop’s informant gets killed, thanks to our three amigos (Michael, Darius, and Sonia). So, he kidnaps them and gives them an ultimatum: help him retrieve some important drives or go to jail. Predictably, things don’t go smoothly. After all, who entrusts dangerous criminals with anger issues to carry out a mission while assigning a boy scout to babysit them? This dumb American cop, that’s who.

So now, our three amigos are somehow tasked with saving Europe.

Ryan Reynolds is always fantastic to watch, and in this movie, he does what Ryan Reynolds does best—be himself. But the story doesn’t live up to his talent. Salma Hayek seems to be the one pulling his strings this time, while in the first movie, it was Samuel L. Jackson.

In the end, this movie is exactly what the first one was—just more of it. If that’s your thing, here’s the part two no one asked for.