The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)

6/10

Starring

Vin Diesel

Karl Urban

Judi Dench

Directed by David Twohy

Pitch Black (2000) was my first introduction to the character Riddick, so when this movie was released, I was on a queue to see it. No matter what the critics say, Chronicles of Riddick was one film I loved and enjoyed. Some of the lines Riddick said still stick with me—indulge me:
“You made three mistakes: first, you took the job. Second, you came light—a four-man crew for me? F#@king insulting. But the worst mistake you made? Empty gun rack.”
Also, when the Necromonger lord asked him to bow, he replied: “I bow to no man.”

If you’re not in the Riddick army yet, I advise you to take some time from your busy schedule to join in by watching this well-crafted movie. It wasn’t perfect—there were some lapses in storytelling and a few things that didn’t quite correlate—but in the end, the action scenes and the whole idea of this “night seer” made the movie worth it.

Now, there was a short animated movie released a day or so after this film, meant to bridge the gap between Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick. The 30-minute animation, The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury, tells us how Jack ended up with Imam.

In Chronicles of Riddick, Riddick returns to New Mecca to see Imam (five years after they parted) after hearing that Jack has gone looking for him. Riddick learns of a new threat sweeping the universe: the Necromongers, a race of beings who are dead but alive. There’s also a prophecy that a Furyan (Riddick’s race) will kill their leader.

The movie features some very cool fight scenes, and there are moments where Riddick does the impossible—like killing a guy with a cup. It also gives a brief introduction to who Riddick is, where he’s from, and why he’s the last of his race.

The Chronicles of Riddick has a nice cult following, and I’m a full member myself. After the film, I made sure to watch the animation and even played the game. While the movie didn’t do well at the box office, its DVD sales were massive, and so were the sales of the video game (The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay) that followed on Xbox and PC.

There seems to be another Riddick movie coming out this September. The budget is lower than this one, but no matter—I can do with some more Riddick. What about you?

The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury (2004)

The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury (2004)

4/10

Starring the voice of

Vin Diesel

Directed by Peter Chung

Funny enough, this franchise hasn’t really picked up, but it’s still a wonderful one. The story of Riddick is something everyone should see, and the video game that followed the release of Chronicles of Riddick, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, was totally off the hook. I absolutely love Riddick.

Pitch Black was a wonderful introduction to our owl-like friend who can see perfectly in the dark, but the movie that followed four years later, The Chronicles of Riddick, was a better film and a good follow-up.

Mr. Riddick is also featured in this half-hour animation, which serves as a bridge between the first and second movies. Many who saw Pitch Black would have been as impressed as I was with how the movie played out. The characters were well-introduced, and after the movie ended, I wondered what would become of the girl.

We had to wait four years before the makers, David Twohy with production assistance from Vin Diesel, answered that question. After the new Riddick movie was released in 2004, this animation was also released to fill some gaps between the first and second movies.

The animation style is anime, and while the animation was a bit shaky and the story not so grand, if you’ve seen the first and second movies, there’s no reason not to watch this one. The cartoon showcases more of what we love about Riddick and less of anything particularly deep.

It also focuses on solidifying the bond between Riddick and Jack, which was present in the first movie. Without seeing the first film, many viewers of the second might not understand why Riddick would stop at nothing to bring down the Necromongers.

In this animation, our hero Riddick, Imam, and Jack have escaped the planet from Pitch Black and are picked up by a mercenary ship. There, they encounter the ship’s owner, Antonia Chillingsworth, who is obsessed with collecting criminals and adding them to her “library.” She captures them, freezes them, and keeps them as statues, which she views as art.

Although the criminals are frozen, they remain alive and conscious. Antonia sees Riddick as a masterpiece—a work of art she must have. In her desire to watch him kill using his unique ability to see in the dark, she makes the mistake of releasing Riddick and pitting him against some strange machinery. This leads to a series of unfortunate events that allow Riddick, Imam, and Jack to escape.

In the end, this animation doesn’t make you hate the franchise, but it doesn’t make you love it either. It’s not a must-watch, but if you’re preparing for the new Riddick movie coming out later this year, you might as well add it to your viewing list.

Barbershop (2002)

Barbershop (2002)

7/10

Starring

Ice Cube

Anthony Anderson

Cedric the Entertainer

Keith David

Directed by Tim Story

Of all the Ice Cube films, this is my favorite. It’s filled with raw comedy and is totally cool. The whole idea of the trouble it takes to steal an ATM machine, and what happens when you borrow money from the wrong people, serves as a vehicle to drive the comedy in this film.

My take on Barbershop is that the acting is solid, the comedy is well-delivered and always straight to the point, causing you, the viewer, to make regular withdrawals at the laugh bank. The movie was a helping hand for acting newcomers Eve and Michael Ealy, and it also featured well-rounded actors like Anthony Anderson, Cedric the Entertainer, and Keith David.

Barbershop makes you laugh all the way through and plays on an issue that bothers many: “What matters most—me or others?” That’s the question Calvin Palmer Jr. (played by Ice Cube) has to answer as he faces a dilemma. Should he sell the barbershop and chase his dreams, or keep it and continue to slug it out with life?

Calvin decides to go with the former, believing his dream is bigger and better. So, he sells the barbershop he inherited from his father to Lester Wallace (Keith David), who fools Calvin into thinking he’ll keep it as a barbershop. In reality, Lester plans to keep the name “Calvin’s Barbershop” but turn the shop into a gentleman’s bar.

After a while, Calvin realizes he’s made a huge mistake and tries to take back the money. This decision ends up being the central problem the film is based on—well, half of it, anyway. Let’s not forget the theft of an ATM machine by JD (Anthony Anderson) and Billy, who believe they can pry it open with power tools.

I can’t tell you which was funnier to watch: “The Tale of the ATM” or “Eddie (Cedric the Entertainer) in the Barbershop.” Both were hilarious to the core, and by the end of the movie, both incidents are resolved with everyone going home happy.

The huge success of the movie led to a sequel, Barbershop 2: Back in Business, two years later, and then a spin-off, Beauty Shop. Neither made as much money as the first film, nor did they receive as much critical approval.

So, if you’re like me and looking for some good homemade laughs, go see Barbershop again. The way the movie is crafted, it is raw comedy.

Dolls (1987)

Dolls (1987)

2/10

Starring

Stephen Lee

Guy Rolfe

Hilary Mason

Ian Patrick Williams

Directed by Stuart Gordon

This movie is more of a joke than it is meant to be scary. All through the 77 minutes of the film, I kept wondering, “Who in their right mind came up with a script that has dolls facing off directly against humans?” The idea is just bull.

We’re all familiar with Child’s Play (Chucky, 1988). In fact, some have become too familiar with the genre. What made Child’s Play part one better than a lot of other movies in the same genre is that Chucky was sneaking up on people to kill them. You’ll also notice that the moment he decided to confront them directly, he got killed. Here, the toys are going straight at the humans and somehow manage to kill most of them. Well, give them credit—they were numerous, while Chucky was just a single evil doll.

Stuart Gordon, the man behind this film, tried to put you on the edge of your seat (emphasis on the word tried). There were scenes where we get to see side glances from the toys as they sat on their shelves (SMH).

Like most horror movies that feature a kid acting as a go-between for the adults and the evil creatures, the child is initially not believed and often silenced when they share their views on the strange happenings. Some grownups even give logical explanations to dismiss what the child is saying. The same happens here. The people involved in this movie are passersby who are forced to stay in a house-like hotel where the owners have a huge collection of dolls. And, as the name of the movie implies, the dolls start killing the people.

There’s no other way to look at it: any scene in the movie where the dolls walk toward the person they want to kill will just give you, the viewer, enough ammunition to ridicule the scene. You’ll keep wondering why, in heaven’s name, the person didn’t do this or that to escape.

The movie’s screenplay is a joke. Some of the scenes where the adults are attacked make it look like they wanted it, as they did little to nothing to get away. The acting is another problem in this movie—it was totally off, as if the casting crew looked for the worst and cheapest actors available to make this film.

If you’ve never heard of or seen Dolls, be grateful, I can’t get the time wasted seeing this back.

Magic (1978)

Magic (1978)

7/10

Starring

Anthony Hopkins

Ann-Margret

Burgess Meredith

Directed by Richard Attenborough

Now, the movie isn’t scary—that I can assure you. But will it freak you out? That’s a definite yes.

Anthony Hopkins (Silence of the Lambs (1991)) was a genius in this movie. His portrayal was masterful, and all through the film, I found myself praying that I never run into a guy like him in my life. And if I ever do, I know all too well from this movie not to piss him off.

Magic is a 1978 film about a man with a psychological problem—he has a double personality disorder and lives out his second persona through a ventriloquist’s dummy named Fats. The whole movie boils down to one character: Corky (Anthony Hopkins). It was crucial that he made his portrayal strong because the entire film revolves around him and him alone, and how he struggles to live his life without his dummy, Fats.

Corky is a magician struggling to make it big until he introduces Fats into his act, which makes his show more admirable and popular. But when he’s required to undergo a psych evaluation before a big show in Vegas, he panics and decides to return to his childhood neighborhood to reconnect with his childhood crush.

It’s there that things take a dark turn.

The part of the movie that really stood out for me was the scene where Corky and Ben sit face to face, and Ben asks Corky to sit for five minutes without letting Fats speak a word. The entire two minutes it lasts are just intense, leaving you wondering, “Is he going to break? When is he going to break?”

Magic is a clever movie, and the screenplay was written by William Goldman, who also wrote the novel it’s based on. The movie runs smoothly, steadily building tension until one of the personalities starts to take over. Then, we see the battle raging between Corky and Fats, and the film takes a turn that will forever cement it in my mind as a classic freaky movie.

The movie doesn’t rely on the special effects that plague so many modern films, nor does it use a large cast like some horror flicks where many characters have to die before you realize the movie is supposed to be scary. Instead, it focuses on ensuring that Anthony Hopkins, as Corky, is a well-rounded actor who can deliver the intensity required to freak the living daylights out of you.

Magic is a classic horror flick that horror fans should see and enjoy. From Hopkins’ wonderful performance to the masterful presence of Burgess Meredith (Grumpy Old Men (1993) and Grumpier Old Men (1995)), it’s a film that leaves a lasting impression.

Oblivion (2013)

Oblivion (2013)

6/10

Starring

Tom Cruise

Olga Kurylenko

Andrea Riseborough

Morgan Freeman

Directed by Joseph Kosinski

The movie is more of a visual spectacle than a riddle for the inquisitive mind. Packed with enough twists and turns to keep you guessing, Oblivion leaves you wondering where the threat is really coming from and whom to trust. The movie is okay, but the problem is that it got way into itself.

With its stunning visuals and breathtaking settings, Oblivion’s wonderful scenery and sleek bubble crafts will make you sit back and enjoy what’s happening on the screen more than the story it’s trying to tell. Tom Cruise seems to be in top form here. In Jack Reacher (2012), he showed his acting prowess and dominated the film from start to finish. Here, he does the same, even making Morgan Freeman feel more like a sideshow compared to the uprising between Cruise’s character, Commander Jack Harper, and the alien threat (wherever it’s coming from).

Oblivion is based on an unpublished graphic novel of the same name by the director and producer Joseph Kosinski (Tron: Legacy 2011). Joseph was able to bring his idea and concept to life, thanks to the $120 million production backing from Universal Studios. While I still stand by the fact that the movie is a sight to see, it falls short in its storytelling. It’s not that the concept isn’t nice or grand—it’s just that the screenplay feels boring at times. That said, there are action scenes to liven the mood, but the length of time you have to wait for the movie to truly pick up may be worth it for some viewers and not for others.

The storyline is set 60 years after Earth was attacked by aliens known as Scavs. It focuses on one of the few remaining survivors, Commander Jack Harper, who works as a drone repairman on Earth. While fulfilling his duty, he discovers a crashed spacecraft containing something that calls into question everything he believed about the war. Soon after, he’s captured by the very aliens still on Earth and uncovers a truth that shakes his entire existence.

In the end, I liked how the movie turned out. It concludes on a poetic note, and Tom Cruise’s performance might be the greatest thing this movie has to offer, aside from its beautiful set pieces. So, if you’re a fan of the Mission: Impossible star, you’ll definitely have fun watching him here. But my final take is this: Oblivion could have been better.

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 2 (2013)

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 2 (2013)

8/10

Starring

Peter Weller

Michael McKean

Wade Williams

Ariel Winter

David Selby

Directed by Jay Oliva

There’s no doubt about it: Batman is the best there is. The Dark Knight Returns series is a classic, and the DVD collection deserves a spot on your shelf.

No one tries to take on “The Bat” thinking they can just walk all over him—even Superman almost got killed by The Bat for trying to tell him what to do.

Here’s a little peek at what this movie has in store for you:
The Bat and Supes go at it, and Supes almost gets himself killed. But The Bat goes soft on him and delivers this warning:
“I want you to remember, in all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember the one man who beat you.”

Now, wouldn’t you want to see that?

The first part of the movie has similar animation to this flick. The plot, like the first, features Batman at 55 years old, 10 years after his retirement. The Bat has returned to clean up the streets once more. In this Part 2 of Frank Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, our Bat has taken down the Mutant Leader and has now become a wanted man in Gotham City.

The Joker convinces his psychiatrist to let him go on live TV to tell his story about him and The Bat. But this psycho turns the live TV show into a massacre, killing everyone present and escaping. Now, The Bat wants him, and the authorities want them both. The showdown between the three is a must-watch.

After the showdown, the DC Universe’s boy scout, Superman, gets a call to take down The Bat—a call I bet he wouldn’t have bothered with if he knew what was coming his way.

There aren’t enough words to describe the intense violence and the wonderful work done by Bob Goodman (screenplay writer) and director Jay Oliva in this animated adaptation. They did justice to the beautiful comic, giving us a realistic view of what it’s like to be a man in disguise with guns being shot at you. The other cool thing about this comic-to-video work is how the makers took their time to ensure the movie stays close to the original source.

The characters Oliver Queen and the new 13-year-old Robin, Carrie Kelley, were well-captured in this movie, making you feel like you’re truly reading the comic.

This DVD is a must-buy and deserves a permanent spot in your collection.

G.I. Joe Retaliation (2013)

G.I. Joe Retaliation (2013)

3/10

Starring

Dwayne Johnson

D.J. Cotrona

Lee Byung-hun

Directed by Jon M. Chu

It starts on the path of mediocrity, takes you down the valley of stupidity, makes you think there’s more to this disjointed story, and then fools you into believing the cast is more than it seems. Just when you think you’ve had enough, it drops you down the hole of impossibility and leaves you with one question:

“Could this movie be any worse?”

Sadly, it was. Here’s a sorry excuse for a movie based on Hasbro’s toy series G.I. Joe. I actually felt the first G.I. Joe movie, The Rise of Cobra, was overrated, but after seeing this one, I think the first should have been given more respect than it got. The acting was crappy, the disjointed stories felt like they’d never meet, and when they finally did, I ended up wishing they hadn’t.

Bruce Willis is in this movie for a reason I don’t quite understand, and then Dwayne Johnson is also added—all of which feels like a cheap attempt to boost sales. Don’t let the posters fool you; Bruce Willis had little to nothing to do in this film.

Some of the old cast members from the first movie were called back, including Channing Tatum, Arnold Vosloo, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, and Lee Byung-hun, all reprising their roles from the first film.

The brief summary of the plot has our Joes up against their old enemy Cobra, but this time, he seems to be smarter. Cobra found a way (while imprisoned) to infiltrate the United States presidency by having the president kidnapped and replacing him with Zartan. Now, Zartan is the new president of the United States, and he orders an air strike to kill off the Joes. After major casualties, only Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) survive, and they decide to get their revenge.

Meanwhile, the Arashikage clan sends Snake Eyes (Ray Park) to capture the renegade Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun) to answer for the death of his uncle.

Somehow, these two stories intertwine, and at the end, the good guys win—nothing special about that.

This movie is just full of fast-paced action scenes that don’t leave behind enough juice for you to value them (there’s no lasting impression).

If you have enough spare time on your hands, I advise you to catch up on some sleep and forget about seeing this movie, it has nothing to offer.

Valentine’s Day (2010)

Valentine’s Day (2010)

6/10

Starring

Jessica Alba

Kathy Bates

Jessica Biel

Bradley Cooper

Eric Dane

Directed by Gary Marshall

Valentine’s Day is a nice movie. I enjoyed it so much, and out of all the romantic stories intertwined together in this wonderful love combination, the one that stood out to me was the story of Cpt. Katherine "Kate" Hazeltine (Julia Roberts) and Edison Hazeltine (Bryce Robinson). Their tale made all the other love stories seem insignificant. Now the movie fails to manage the enormous cast well enough to make it a masterpiece, but the director did well enough to make it enjoyable.

The acting from Julia Roberts and Bryce Robinson made up for the lackluster performances I witnessed from Jessica Alba and Ashton Kutcher, who both seemed out of it for me. The funny part is that Bryce Robinson is a child actor, and that alone impressed me so much that I found myself smiling every time he was on screen.

The movie features a large ensemble cast, including Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Hector Elizondo, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Julia Roberts, and Taylor Swift.

The movie is simple, and the plot isn’t overly complex—just a few elements of surprise here and there. In some stories, the surprise doesn’t exist, as the tales feel too familiar to even matter. But overall, I loved many of the stories.

The plot focuses on what’s happening in the lives of many of the actors listed above on Valentine’s Day. Some are facing a lack of love, others are discovering love, and there’s some heartbreak along the way.

The movie received negative reviews, but at the Teen Choice Awards, it was voted Best Romantic Film. Also, Gary Marshall’s movie was a box office success, making over four times its $52 million production cost. I really enjoyed this movie and its New Year’s Eve counterpart from 2011. The whole idea of pulling the best out of a huge ensemble cast is something I give credit to the director for—everyone had enough screen time, and no one was overused.

Alba, on the other hand, in the short time she had on screen, seemed like she wanted to be in another movie.

In conclusion, if you’re into romantic comedies or are a hopeless romantic, then this is a movie for you. And although the critics say it isn’t good, I can say for me, the movie is okay. The movie does not try to be bigger than it really is, which for me is good enough.

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

3/10

Starring

Paul Hogan

Linda Kozlowski

Directed by Simon Wincer

This new addition to the Crocodile Dundee franchise is one of the worst things that ever happened in 2001. By the end of the film, you feel like Paul Hogan should pay you back for sitting through it. From the get-go, the movie lacks vision and entertainment value. If it were a direct-to-DVD movie, it would have made more sense.

There was definitely no reason for them to make this movie, but they did anyway and put it out there for us to see and dislike. This movie was so bad that I couldn’t believe it even made it off the storyboard. Dundee (Paul Hogan) and Sue (Linda Kozlowski) are now together for about 15 years and have a son named Michael, after his father.

While living in Australia, Sue gets a call from her father asking her to come help hold down his office (a newspaper company) in Los Angeles while he attends to other matters. Sue—after Dundee says that he and their son Michael will go along—accepts the offer and moves with her family to Los Angeles. There, both father and son are kind of out of place and even make the news for not understanding how things work in America.

The antagonist in this one is a phony movie production company, and in this flick, we get to see Dundee go undercover. A side story to the main plot involves Dundee and Sue not being married for the entire 15 years they’ve been together. Sue wants to get married but isn’t pushing it, while Dundee just isn’t manning up to do the right thing.

Trust me, after reading this review, just run away from this flick. It’s not worth the one hour and thirty minutes I put into it.

In this movie, Hogan is old, and so is Sue. The whole cute, lovable couple isn’t so cute anymore. Then there are scenes where we see some ladies go gaga for Dundee. I’m no woman, but that guy looked old and out of it, so I didn’t see the attraction.

I felt the makers wanted to see if they could still make more money off the franchise, but this $21 million production only made $39 million at the box office. Maybe the DVD sales helped later on—I don’t know. But one thing I’m glad about is that I don’t think there will be a Crocodile Dundee IV.

Crocodile Dundee II (1988)

Crocodile Dundee II (1988)

5/10

Starring

Paul Hogan

Linda Kozlowski

Directed by John Cornell

After the success of the first Crocodile Dundee, the producers and writer Paul Hogan went to work to make another movie two years later, naming it Crocodile Dundee II. The problem with this sequel is that it feels like it’s being shoved down your throat, and the whole thing screams the phrase, “We’ve seen it all before.” The movie wasn’t half bad—it just had no point. Everything that happened practically had no purpose, and when something has no purpose, it’s just a waste.

The acting here is no better than the first, but now that we’re all familiar with the Dundee charm, the writers decided to take him back to outback Australia so we could see the bushman in him. This was supposed to bring more action-adventure into the movie, but instead, it just filled up so many minutes with unrealistic action scenes that you feel like fast-forwarding through the whole thing.

The comedy here was out of sync. The whole idea of pairing Dundee with a Colombian drug lord and making the drug lord and his men look like pure miscreants isn’t my idea of a well-thought-out antagonist. The movie lacked a lot of life, and the makers decided to do a reverse: the setting started out in New York City, then Dundee and Sue went to Australia—a familiar turf for Dundee—while he dealt with the bad guys.

The movie plot revolves around our lovebird duo, Dundee (Paul Hogan) and Sue (Linda Kozlowski), who get mixed up with a Colombian drug lord. The drug lord had his picture taken when he killed someone, and the photo was sent to Sue by her ex-husband. The drug dealer found out, kidnapped Sue, and then discovered that Dundee had the film.

Now, Dundee has to find a way to stay alive and save the love of his life.

The movie wasn’t a critical success, but it was a huge commercial success. The $15.8 million production brought in over $239 million, keeping the Dundee name on our lips for a while and making Hogan richer. But then, the producers felt like milking the franchise some more, so 13 years later, in 2001, a new Dundee film was made, also starring Hogan and Kozlowski. That new film failed both critically and commercially.

So, after you’re done watching the first Crocodile Dundee, you might be tempted to see this misfit. If you get the chance, maybe you should. But if you don’t, use your time for something more productive.