Blacklight (2022)

Blacklight (2022)

 3/10

Starring

Liam Neeson

Emmy Raver-Lampman

Taylor John Smith

Aidan Quinn

 

Directed by Mark Williams

 

Blacklight has been panned by critics, with some calling it one of the worst things to see on screen. While I don’t agree that it’s the absolute worst, I can confidently say it’s pretty bad.

For me, the movie felt like a poor attempt at recreating an episode of the Jim Caviezel series Person of Interest. It shares a similar theme: a guy called upon by someone higher up to help people who find themselves in trouble, whether by their own doing or through bad luck. The difference here is that our guy, Travis (Liam Neeson), is an FBI fixer tasked with helping undercover agents when they get into a jam.

The film felt like an overly long 20-minute short story. The dialogue was weak, the fight scenes were laughable, and it drove home the unfortunate fact that Liam Neeson is too old for this kind of role. His movements were stiff, and honestly, the movie might have worked better in the hands of a younger actor. That said, would I have watched it if Liam Neeson wasn’t on the poster? Probably not, and I guess that’s why he was cast.

To delve deeper into the plot: Travis is assigned to "fix" a situation involving an undercover agent, Crane, who seems to have gone rogue. Crane had approached a reporter, claiming to have evidence that the FBI boss, Robinson, was killing civilians. Initially, the details of this meeting or evidence aren’t clear. Travis first encounters Crane after he’s arrested for beating up four police officers. When Travis interrogates him, Crane insists that Robinson is involved in civilian killings.

Crane manages to escape from Travis and plans to take the evidence to the press. When Robinson learns about this, he sends his men to silence Crane. Meanwhile, Travis, unaware of Robinson’s true intentions, is still focused on finding Crane and bringing him back to Robinson.

When Travis finally catches up with Crane, it leads to one of the most lackluster fight scenes I’ve ever seen. Crane is killed right in front of Travis, who narrowly escapes being killed himself. This marks the turning point, as Travis confronts Robinson, only to find his own life in danger.

The plot is weak, the stakes feel overblown, and the villain’s motives are so vague that the movie doesn’t even bother to properly explain them. I honestly think this film would have worked better with a smaller budget. If it had been a B-movie or a direct-to-video release, there would have been fewer expectations and, therefore, fewer reasons to complain. But with a $43 million budget (not counting marketing) and a theatrical release, this movie is nothing short of a disappointment. By the end, you’ll be left wondering where all that money went.

And can I just say: bad guys keeping incriminating evidence of their evil deeds in safes is a tired trope I’m completely fed up with.

Ambulance (2022)

Ambulance (2022)

5/10

Starring

Jake Gyllenhaal

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II

Eiza Gonzalez

 

Directed by Michael Bay

 

I would give this movie an average rating for being all out there to make you have fun watching an action flick. The fast-paced, shoot-em-up style is something you’ll enjoy if you’re into gunfights and car chases. But when it comes to the acting of the leads and the story, not so much. The plot holes are so glaring that you have to overlook a lot to enjoy the movie.

I felt Jake Gyllenhaal’s performance lacked conviction for the character he was playing. His co-lead, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, played a character that was poorly written, and his behavior was more annoying than it needed to be at times. That aside, I did enjoy parts of the action ride and appreciated how Michael Bay chose to kill off one of the officers leading the pursuit. Even though the movie was predictable in many ways, that twist—killing the annoying officer halfway through—caught me off guard. Movies usually have such annoying characters, and you just wish someone would punch them in the face, but Bay took it a step further and killed him.

Another plus for the movie is the cinematography—I enjoyed that aspect.

Ambulance is about a bank robbery gone so disastrously wrong that it’s hard to imagine it being any more chaotic. Danny (Gyllenhaal) and Will (Abdul-Mateen II) are adoptive brothers raised by an abusive criminal father. Danny followed in their father’s footsteps, while Will joined the army to escape that life.

After finishing his service, Will comes back home to nothing. He’s broke and struggling to take care of his family. His wife needs $231,000 for an experimental surgery that his insurance won’t cover. Desperate, Will reaches out to Danny for help, and Danny ropes him into a bank robbery. It turns out Danny has been successfully robbing banks for years, but this job with Will goes horribly wrong.

Everything unravels when an officer named Zach, who has a crush on a bank teller, shows up at the bank to ask for her number. Unfortunately, this happens right as Danny and his gang are in the middle of the heist. The LAPD arrives quickly, killing all of Danny’s crew and leaving just Danny and Will to escape.

The two hijack an ambulance and take the paramedic and Zach hostage. With $16 million still in their possession, they drive off in the ambulance, pursued by the police. Danny starts calling in favors, trying to find a way to get away with the money.

I can only recommend this movie if you have nothing better to watch. Otherwise, it’s just another Michael Bay film—lots of noise and less-than-average coherent thinking from the characters.

Memories of Murder (2003)

Memories of Murder (2003)

 

7/10

Starring

Song Kang-ho

Kim Sang-yung

 

Directed by Boon Joon-ho

 

The idea that many people got away with murder in the late 80s and early 90s due to the lack of good DNA records is chilling. This movie takes us back to South Korea during that time, where a man committed a series of rapes and murders targeting women. The story revolves around two detectives deeply engrossed in solving the case, desperate to stop the killings.

The movie’s biggest strength is its setting. It convincingly recreates the 80s, with stellar acting and actors who embody their roles almost perfectly.

The two lead characters, Detectives Park and Seo, are determined to bring the case to a close. Park is the older, more experienced detective, but his methods are crude and outdated. In contrast, Seo is younger and more methodical. Park’s approach involves beating suspects into confessing, which leads him to prematurely accuse a mentally challenged young man. This man vividly describes the crimes as if he committed them, but his behavior makes it clear he lacks the mental capacity to carry out such calculated and cruel acts.

Eventually, Park and Seo realize the man is a witness, not the perpetrator. However, Park’s aggressive tactics and the man’s limited mental abilities make it difficult for him to communicate what he saw. By the time the detectives piece this together, it’s too late to act on his information effectively.

The murders themselves are horrifying. The killer operates during rainy nights, targeting his victims by catching them, tying them up, gagging them with their own underwear, raping them, and finally strangling them.

As the case drags on, the delay in catching the murderer takes a toll on the detectives, as each passing day means more women lose their lives.

The movie is based on a real case that occurred in South Korea during the late 80s and early 90s. At the time, the case remained unsolved for decades. The killer was eventually caught while serving time in jail for a separate rape offense.

Memories of Murder is considered a cult classic in South Korea and one of the finest films to come out of the country. Written and directed by Bong Joon-ho, it is widely regarded as one of his best works, earning him numerous awards across Asia.

Finding good movies to watch can be hard, so when someone drops a good recommendation like this one, it is very much appreciated. So, I too recommend that you go see it.

The Bubble (2022)

The Bubble (2022)

 

2/10

 

Starring

Karen Gillan

Iris Apatow

David Duchovny

Keegan-Michael Key

Leslie Mann

Pedro Pascal

Directed by Judd Apatow

 

I think the best way to start contemplating why we exist at all is by watching this movie. So, if you love your life, avoid seeing it. It’s obvious the world is struggling for content—this movie even states that right at the beginning. The lack of good content is why studios now greenlight nonsense like this. There was a time when Netflix was the go-to place for great movies that other studios wouldn’t dare produce. Now, Netflix and other production companies are straining for good movies. It feels like all the great writers, directors, and producers have been stretched too thin across the endless production studios and streaming services. Honestly, that’s the only way to justify how this movie got made.

The Bubble is supposed to be silly, funny, and entertaining. It has a great cast, filled with comedians who know how to deliver laughs, and it only had one job: get the right script and story to make it work.

Unfortunately, this movie is neither funny nor entertaining. It’s not even silly enough to be one of those "so bad it’s good" films. It’s just plain bad. The only remarkable thing about this movie is how it managed to achieve absolutely nothing for two hours.

Not one joke made me smile, and not a single moment made me go, "Oh, that’s interesting." That, to me, is the truly amazing part—how bad it really is.

You’d think making fun of a movie production set and the ridiculous things that happen there would be easy. Add the constraints of the pandemic, as this was filmed during the height of it, and the concept should have worked. The premise—filming during a pandemic where the cast is stuck in a bubble until the movie is completed—sounds like a comedic goldmine.

But somehow, they managed to ruin every opportunity. They drained the humor out of the absurdity of confinement, made bad use of any weirdness, and turned supposedly quirky characters into insufferable caricatures.

The plot revolves around the production of a franchise film called Cliff Beasts 6. The cast is gathered for what’s meant to be a three-month shoot, with everyone living in a "bubble" to comply with pandemic restrictions. The film portrays actors as self-absorbed, clueless people with no real lives outside their egos. Studio executives are desperate for success and bring in a social media influencer, hoping to attract a new audience.

Of course, things don’t go as planned. The actors lose their minds on set, behaving in ways that parody every stereotype about "difficult" actors. The production spirals into chaos, culminating in a total disaster. And that’s where I’ll stop describing the plot—because, frankly, you shouldn’t bother watching it.

How anyone in the cast decided to sign up for this movie is beyond me.

This film was written and directed by Judd Apatow, who also cast his wife (Leslie Mann) and daughter in what can only be described as a complete mess.

The Perfection (2018)

The Perfection (2018)

 

5/10

 

Starring

Allison Williams

Logan Browning

Steven Weber

 

Directed by Richard Shepard

 

The Perfection is a psychological horror-thriller that some might view as a form of movie art, especially with its ending—an amputee performance featuring the amputee. Personally, I didn’t see it that way. I couldn’t appreciate it as art and felt that the entire series of events leading to the finale was a little over the top. That said, I do appreciate how the movie gets straight into the heart of the matter from the start and keeps that focus until the end.

As far as surprises go, the movie definitely shocked me with its unexpected twists, particularly when the two female leads ran off together and the consequences of the drugs began to unfold. The story begins with a woman named Charlotte (Allison Williams) contacting a couple to let them know she’s ready to return to work. Charlotte is a cellist and was once the star pupil of Anton and Paloma, a couple who run a prestigious music school. Charlotte had to leave the school to care for her ill mother, but after her mother’s death, she returns, only to find she’s been replaced by a new star pupil named Lizzy.

At this point, the movie seems to hint at where it’s going—you start to anticipate jealousy coming into play. This impression is reinforced when the film shifts to show certain events from Charlotte’s perspective, revealing her apparent plot to ruin Lizzy and ensure she can never perform again.

Charlotte’s unstable mental state isn’t hidden, as flashbacks reveal something deeply troubling in her past. Then, the plot takes a sharp 180-degree turn, shifting our understanding of who Charlotte is and the reasons behind her actions. While this twist is interesting, it’s also where I feel the movie goes a bit too far. Even though Charlotte justifies her actions, they feel excessive.

The darker side of Anton and Paloma’s music school—what lies beneath the surface—wasn’t much of a surprise. From the moment they appear on screen, the movie gives off that unsettling vibe, so the eventual revelation didn’t catch me off guard.

The ending, however, is something that might appeal to those who enjoy abstract or artistic interpretations, but I found it frustrating and pointless. In my mind, I could imagine worse outcomes that might have had a stronger impact.

In any case, The Perfection is available on Netflix for anyone who finds such films intriguing. My advice is to read the synopsis beforehand but avoid diving into the full plot—it’s best to experience the twists for yourself.

The House (2022)

The House (2022)

 6/10

Starring the voices of

Mia Goth

Claudie Blakley

Matthew Goode

Mark Heap

Miranda Richardson

 

Directed by Emma de Swaef, Marc James Roels, Niki Lindroth von Bahr and Paloma Baeza

 

The House is a Netflix stop-motion animated anthology film written by Enda Walsh. The animation tells three different stories set in three unique worlds, all centered around a house. The plots are engaging and carry a Twilight Zone feel. While the quality of the stop-motion animation is commendable, what truly stands out are the stories themselves.

What I admire most about this animation is its unpredictability. Just when you think you know where the story is headed, it takes another turn. The stories leave many threads untied, making you wonder: why was this mentioned? Why was that done? These loose ends are deliberate, keeping you confused and never quite sure where the plot is going.

The stories, like those of Twilight Zone, have a dark undertone, especially the first one about a family of four: a father, mother, and two daughters.

The father’s relatives are cruel, and when the youngest child was born, they visited and made him feel small and miserable. This led him to go on a drinking binge and take a walk. During his walk, he met a man who claimed to be a friend of his father. This man gave him an intriguing proposal: he would build the family a magnificent house if they agreed to move in as soon as it was completed. Additionally, they would need to sign away the deed to their old home.

The couple signed the papers and moved in the moment the house was ready. It was fully furnished, and they didn’t need to do a thing. However, strange events began to unfold. The lawyer acted suspiciously, and only the youngest daughter, Mabel, seemed to notice. She tried to warn her parents, but they were too engrossed in making the house perfect for themselves. By the time they realized what was happening, it was too late.

The second story takes place in a world populated by anthropomorphic rats. Here, the protagonist is a developer trying to flip the house. He’s facing financial problems, and selling the house is his last hope. He worked hard to prepare it for potential buyers but discovered the house was infested with bugs. After fumigating the place himself (not entirely successfully), he managed to get it ready for showings.

However, only one odd couple showed interest in the house. The problem? They refused to leave. They didn’t sign any papers, nor did they budge. Instead, they made the developer care for them while continually promising they’d buy the house.

The third tale is about anthropomorphic cats. The house in this story is falling apart, and one of the three main cats is its owner. She has grand dreams of transforming it into a desirable residence, but the area surrounding the house is completely flooded, and no one is coming.

Her current tenants refuse to pay rent, and she’s at her wit’s end. She desperately needs money to renovate the house and fulfill her vision, but the flooding worsens, and her tenants are too broke to contribute.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)

 

6/10

Starring

James Marsden

Ben Schwartz (voice)

Tika Sumpter

Colleen O'Shaughnessey (voice)

Idris Elba (voice)

Jim Carrey

 

 

Directed by Jeff Fowler

 

For someone like me, born in the 80s and who grew up playing the SEGA Sonic games, the joy of finally seeing aspects of the games and character depictions from the old animations brought to life in this film was beautiful. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 has the same magic as the first movie, Sonic the Hedgehog (2020). The animation of the characters is wonderful, with the three—Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles—looking just like they do in the games.

The addition of Knuckles brought another layer of comedy, which you wouldn’t typically associate with the character. In the movie, Knuckles is portrayed as the "dumb muscle" of the group, and it worked well. The film also includes some fine gameplay-inspired shots: Tails’ red plane with Sonic riding on it, Sonic snowboarding, and Dr. Robotnik finally looking more like his game counterpart, complete with his iconic red lab coat and exaggerated mustache.

Knuckles’ lack of cultural understanding and all his macho talk made for some genuinely funny moments. As expected, Jim Carrey outdid himself with his portrayal of Dr. Robotnik, and the rest of the supporting cast did a great job by simply staying out of the way of the main event.

This is the second live-action adaptation of the beloved SEGA game from the 90s. Since the first film was a huge success, it only made sense to follow up with a sequel.

Miles "Tails" Prower's addition to the movie felt almost identical to his backstory in the Sonic the Hedgehog 2 game. Tails admires Sonic and seeks him out, and Sonic quickly adopts him as his sidekick. The movie starts with Knuckles and Robotnik teaming up to go after Sonic and find the Master Emerald. Sonic and Tails must stop the duo from obtaining the Emerald, as Robotnik plans to use its power to reshape the world however he pleases.

As you’d expect—just like in the game—Knuckles eventually switches sides and teams up with Sonic and Tails to stop Robotnik.

While I enjoyed the movie overall, I felt there was too much sentimental filler. It seemed like the movie had an overly long runtime and padded it with unnecessary "mushy" moments. If you enjoyed the first film, you’ll find plenty of reasons to enjoy this one as well—once you get through what feels like a quarter of the movie wasted on setting up the four main characters’ meeting. Sonic’s lack of maturity was sometimes annoying, but it’s clear it was intentionally included as part of his character arc.

Contains Spoilers

The movie’s post-credit scene teases plans for a third installment, introducing another beloved character from the games: Shadow the Hedgehog.

 

Morbius (2022)

Morbius (2022)

 

3/10

 Starring

Jared Leto

Matt Smith

Adria Arjona

 

Directed by Daniel Espinosa

Morbius is a totally lazy movie script brought to life. No matter how it looks, this is not the dark horror tale you might have expected. The movie is so lazily put together, with a script that lacks any form of creativity. It runs its own race in drafting an origin story for Michael Morbius, playing freely with the powers of the Living Vampire. However, this freedom is abused by bad directing, a lack of character depth, and poor editing.

The film creates its own villain, with plenty of space to build a compelling story, but instead, it makes a mess of everything. I think Jared Leto’s portrayal of Morbius was overly intense for such a weak script, though the colorful performance by Matt Smith as Milo helped a lot. Beyond that, I feel this was a bad job, done badly.

The bat effects in the final fight against Milo were anticlimactic. The movie plot starts in a way we’re somewhat familiar with regarding Morbius: a Nobel Prize-winning biologist with a rare blood condition. In this Sony version, Morbius has an adopted brother named Milo, with whom he shares the same blood condition. They met as children in a hospital wing. While Morbius grew up alone, Milo came from a wealthy background and, as adults, Milo became Morbius’ benefactor, funding his experiments to find a cure for their illness.

Morbius eventually found a potential cure: a fusion of vampire bat DNA with human DNA. He tested it on himself, and, as you might expect from the comics, things didn’t go as planned. Morbius woke up hungry and killed everyone in his lab, draining them of blood, except for his lover, Bancroft, who was knocked out during the chaos.

When Milo learned what had happened, he asked Morbius to inject him too, but Morbius refused. Milo then broke into Morbius’ lab, using a nurse to help himself get injected with the spliced DNA. Like Morbius, Milo became a living vampire, but unlike Morbius—who struggles to control his urges—Milo embraced the chaos, causing havoc everywhere. Now, Morbius takes it upon himself to stop Milo.

For me, the movie tries to ride the success of Sony’s best Marvel attempt so far, Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021). That film seems to have given Sony some ideas: they use the liberty caused by Doctor Strange’s spell to transport characters from the MCU into Sony’s universe. However, this is limited to characters they have the rights to, which they hinted at in the end by transporting one of Spider-Man’s villains from the MCU into Sony’s Spider-Verse.

I regret seeing this movie and hope nobody else has to go through the same struggle.

The Batman (2022)

The Batman (2022)

6/10

Starring

Robert Pattinson

Zoë Kravitz

Paul Dano

Jeffrey Wright

 

Directed by Matt Reeves

 

In summary, the movie is average. I can say it is better than Batman and Robin (George Clooney) but does not step up to any of Keaton's films. I expected this movie to be better than Keaton's, but it doesn’t come close.

This movie drops us right into what many will see as the ideal feel of Gotham. The villains are all around without us having to go through an origin story for each of them. We have Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman (Zoë Kravitz), and, in the end, a glimpse of the Joker. The main character causing mayhem in this movie is the Riddler (Paul Dano). Matt Reeves (the director and also writer) did well with the Riddler’s characterization but also poorly at the same time. Yes, the riddles and the running around are expected when dealing with the Riddler, but his mannerisms are what you would expect from the Joker. So, the Riddler’s behavior is 50% Riddler, 50% Joker, which was annoying.

Reeves had a hard job. Batman is a known character whose story has been interpreted in countless animated features and movies. He was tasked with bringing the Bat into the light again with a form of ingenuity that would make us see it in a new way.

The main plot has Batman (Robert Pattinson) trying to stop the killings of Gotham's top officials, like the Mayor, the DA, the Police Commissioner (not James Gordon, played by Jeffrey Wright), and others. The person killing them is the Riddler, who is taunting the Bat with constant riddles and doesn’t plan to stop until he exposes all the corrupt officials in Gotham. Then, the Riddler strikes too close to home, targeting someone Batman cares about, and now the Bat is determined to catch him.

This noir adaptation is very dark and tries to give us a new way to look at the Bat. However, since the character is so well-known, even though the movie starts strong, it soon falls in line with the familiar.

Pattinson did a good job as Batman when in costume, but his Bruce Wayne needed a little more work. I do love how the movie dives into the narrative and skips the need for an origin story, as we all know it from countless angles already.

The first half of the movie has Batman investigating, deciphering codes, and trying to link himself to the Riddler—doing actual detective work. The second half, however, is boring. By then, you start to notice that there are way too many scenes that could have been cut. The movie is too long, and trimming the unnecessary parts to shorten its runtime would have made it more enjoyable.

Colin Farrell’s makeup as the Penguin is just out of this world and worth seeing. I like the idea and direction of this movie, and I hope they follow this path to deliver an enjoyable trilogy. There’s no need to compare it to Nolan’s trilogy just yet. Putting them side by side isn’t fair until we see the full picture of what Matt Reeves has planned.

You should see this movie if you want, but I would advise against doing so at the cinema because of its length—it’s way too long, and the story isn’t as good as you’d expect it to be.