Tickets to Paradise (2022)

Tickets to Paradise (2022)

3/10

Starring

George Clooney

Julia Roberts

Kaitlyn Dever

Billie Lourd

 

Directed by Ol Parker

 

This is a horrible movie—predictable to the point of being annoying. Its very existence mars the image of these two pairings in my head. What’s the point of movies like this when the story is as old as time and the ending is one you can see coming from a mile away? I was hoping with all my heart that this movie wouldn’t just end the way I saw it heading. But, of course, we get the usual: they party, get drunk, wake up together, one ends a relationship, and they’re back together.

Why???

Can someone tell me why this crap exists? Are there no new ideas left in Hollywood? The pacing was horrible, and honestly, you could watch the first 10 minutes, skip to the last 10 minutes, and not miss a thing.

This movie had no potential from the start. If you’ve ever seen a movie before, this one falls squarely into the category of a very expensive B-movie—starring an overpriced cast. The only joy I got from this film was when the credits started rolling.

It’s never a good sign when the best part of watching a movie is guessing how many others it borrowed ideas from.

The plot revolves around a divorced couple who supposedly can’t stand each other. But somehow, they manage to talk endlessly and have way too much to say for two people who are supposed to hate each other.

Their daughter calls home, announcing that she’s found the love of her life and is about to get married. Hmm… on her first try. Naturally, the parents decide to team up to ruin the marriage and bring their daughter home.

Let’s talk about the moral of this situation. Your child wants to get married, and you think it’s too soon. Instead of sitting down with her to discuss your concerns (especially when she gives you an opening to do so), you pretend to support her and secretly plot to sabotage her wedding plans. I guess these two deserve the Parent of the Year award!

Does the movie stop copying every cliché out there? Nope. It dives right in with the obligatory drunk night that leads to sex. And of course, there are no consequences—no hangover, no awkward morning-after moments, nothing.

Anyway, everything else about this movie was so uninteresting that watching the credits roll was the highlight of the experience. What a complete waste of time.

The School of Good and Evil (2022)

The School of Good and Evil (2022)

 

3/10

 

Starring

Sophia Anne Caruso

Sofia Wylie

Laurence Fishburne

Kerry Washington

Charlize Theron

 

Directed by Paul Feig

 

I’ll give the movie one thing: I didn’t see some things coming. It looked predictable, but in the end, all my predictions were wrong. That aside, the movie is just another attempt at creating a franchise by remixing old fairy tales. Unfortunately, it has a habit of forgetting its own characters, overplaying certain moments, and forcing emotions between characters that never existed in the first place.

It’s poorly written, and the casting is hit or miss. Some of the casting choices worked well, while others made me wish I could smash the screen whenever their faces came up.

The movie had an idea: this adventure fantasy would change how we see fairy tale stories. But it failed miserably.

It reminded me of the ABC series Once Upon a Time. For the first five seasons or so, the show did a great job of remixing fairy tales. Then it got carried away with its own ideas, sinking into never-ending arcs and repetitive plotlines that went nowhere. That’s exactly how this movie felt. Even though some character endings weren’t what I expected, the overall plot just kept going in circles.

The story is about two friends, Sophie and Agatha, who live in a town that treats them as outsiders. They always look out for each other and spend much of their time reading stories. Sophie dreams of being like the princesses in those tales, saved by a prince. She desperately wishes to be taken to the School of Good and Evil—a place where fairy tale characters go for their training. The good ones enroll in the School of Good, and the bad ones in the School of Evil.

One day, as Sophie and Agatha are walking, a creature shows up to take Sophie. Sophie believes this is her chance to finally fulfill her dream of going to the School of Good and becoming a princess. But Agatha isn’t about to let a creature take her friend, so she holds on tightly, trying to free her. Instead, the creature takes them both.

Agatha is far from thrilled about this turn of events. Sophie, on the other hand, is ecstatic convinced she’s headed to the School of Good with her friend. But here comes the twist: Sophie gets dumped into the School of Evil, while Agatha ends up in the School of Good.

From there, the movie spirals into an endless mess. The two girls are determined to get Sophie into the School of Good, while an old, evil magical man tries to maintain the status quo to gain more power.

Leave it to Netflix to spend a fortune on casting and effects, only to ruin everything with a weak script.

And, of course, the movie ends in the most stupidly predictable way possible: the veil between the two worlds is torn.

Enter the Fat Dragon (1978)

Enter the Fat Dragon (1978)

 

3/10

Starring

Sammo Hung

Lee Hye-sook

Ankie Lau

 

Directed by Sammo Hung

There’s a reason why you probably haven’t heard of this movie (especially if, like me, you just stumbled upon it): it sucked. I liked the concept, but the execution lacked any real conviction that the producers themselves believed this was a good idea or a potential hit.

The whole thing felt lazy and thrown together, like a cheap B-movie. I’ve grown up watching films starring the legendary old geezers from China, so the era of production isn’t the issue here. The problem is the lack of a solid script to back up the idea they were trying to bring to life. Even with good actors, the poor directing made the entire effort feel like a complete waste of time.

If you compare this movie to classic Jackie Chan films, you’ll clearly see the difference—not just in quality but in budget. The lack of funding is painfully evident and adds to the poor production value.

The settings didn’t help either. What was the deal with all the fight scenes crammed into tight corners?

Another glaring issue was the absence of a solid backstory for how the main character even knew Kung Fu. There was no buildup or explanation, making it hard to buy into his skills. Naturally, you’d expect his first fight to end with him getting a serious beatdown, but no—he somehow knows Kung Fu well enough to take down everyone who challenges him. After that, the charm of the character disappeared, along with any sense of purpose for the movie.

Contains Spoilers
The movie follows a pig farmer named Lung (played by Sammo Hung), who is obsessed with Bruce Lee and dreams of being like him. Lung is sent to the city to live with his uncle and earn some money. His uncle runs a roadside restaurant, and Lung arrives eager to help out.

After an incident where Lung beats up some customers who then trash the restaurant, he loses his job. He moves on to work as a waiter, and when a lady he met on his way to the city is harassed, he shows off his Kung Fu skills again. Later, when his friend is also harassed, Lung jumps into action, only to get both of them fired.

Eventually, they land another job as ushers/waiters at a wedding, where one of the waitresses is about to be kidnapped. Lung must now step up as the hero to save the girl.

In the end, the movie is just a waste of time. They tried too hard to market it as a comedy, but the humor fell flat.

 

The Outfit (2022)

The Outfit (2022)

 

6/10

Starring

Mark Rylance

Zoey Deutch

Johnny Flynn

Dylan O'Brien

 

Directed by Graham Moore

 

The movie was okay. This old-school, crime-noir-themed film delivers what you’d expect from a story set in the 60s: a plot drenched in lies, double-crossing, secret lives, and even more double-crossing, as we try to untangle a very long web. At first, the movie makes you suspect the tailor is the mastermind behind all the confusion, but things eventually unravel and get tangled around someone else’s feet.

The chief selling point of The Outfit is its restraint. There’s no unnecessary action here. This crime thriller features maybe three shoot-out scenes, and you could probably count the bullets used. Set in Chicago in the 50s, the movie begins with a tailor describing how he creates suits for his clients. Right away, you get the sense there’s more to him than he lets on, which is one of the movie’s predictable elements. As the web of lies tightens around him, the plot finds a rhythm where you can start to anticipate the possible outcomes of certain twists. Depending on your preferences, this might make you enjoy—or dislike—how the story unfolds.

Leonard, our tailor, runs his shop with the help of an assistant named Mable. A local gangster family operates out of the shop, similar to how The Sopranos used everyday businesses as fronts. As long as Leonard keeps quiet, everything stays peaceful.

Leonard goes out of his way to stay distant from the mob’s activities, while Mable dreams of leaving town and is secretly saving money for it. However, the crime boss’s son is a loose cannon with a big mouth and little substance. One day, Leonard meets one of Mable’s boyfriends, which makes him uneasy—but that uneasiness is nothing compared to what happens next. The following day, the crime boss’s son shows up at the shop with a gunshot wound, forcing Leonard to take care of him. He’s assisted by Francis, the boss’s right-hand man.

Leonard’s desire to stay uninvolved with the family’s dealings crumbles in an instant, dragging him knee-deep into their business. The police are after the family, and the family, in turn, is hunting for a rat in their crew.

When the crime boss himself shows up, everything begins to unravel. Guns are drawn, accusations fly, and Leonard finds himself in the middle of a tense stand-off where lies are the only thing keeping him—and everyone else—from getting killed.

This is a nice sit down on a weekend movie, that you can fall asleep watching.