Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

 

2/10

Starring

Bette Midler

Sarah Jessica Parker

Kathy Najimy

 

Directed by Anne Fletcher

 

If you love yourself, do not watch this movie.

I have never seen such a waste of time passed off as a sequel. It felt like Disney was afraid the rights to the characters would slip away to another company, so they slapped some scenes together and called it a movie just to hold on to the license. That’s the only explanation I can think of for why this was made.

Honestly, though, what was this?

I didn’t like the first one much either, but I remember watching it a lot when I was younger. Now, if I’d known how bad this sequel would be, I would’ve gladly erased any memory of the original. This one makes the first movie look like a masterpiece. The comedy is stale, the acting is dry, and the whole thing feels lifeless.

Where in heaven’s name did they get this plot from?

The ending was so horrible it made me want to puke. The beginning wasn’t any better; giving us the witches’ backstory did absolutely nothing for the plot and just ruined the nostalgia.

Whenever I see anyone say something positive about this movie, I feel the need to sit them down and ask them to point it out. Better yet, explain how the awful acting by the young girls didn’t make you want to smash the screen.

And don’t get me started on the “lightbulb moment” where the jerk realizes that calling people weird and pointing out their differences is a bad thing. It was so painfully obvious and forced that I had to write down the name of the writer to remind myself never to expect anything good from them again.

Here’s the gist of the plot: the movie starts by showing how the Sanderson sisters became witches. Fast forward to 2022, long after the events of 1993. The sisters are dead but popular, with people dressing up as them for Halloween. Their old cottage is now a magic shop, and the new owner tricks some gullible teenagers into lighting a black candle, which brings the witches back to life. From this point, you can safely skip to the last ten minutes, and you won’t miss a thing.

I thought this movie would at least be okay. I wasn’t expecting greatness, just something decent. It seemed like an easy win for Disney, in fact, this franchise seems like something hard to ruin, but I guess I was wrong.