Vampires vs. the Bronx (2020)

Vampires vs. the Bronx (2020)

 

3/10

Starring

Sarah Gadon

Chris Redd

The Kid Mero

Method Man

Shea Whigham

 

Directed by Osmany Rodriguez

Contains Spoilers

With a name like Vampires vs. the Bronx, you can't be expected to take the movie seriously—and it’s best that you don’t. The best word to describe this film is anticlimax. The movie does a wonderful job setting things up in the Bronx when a group of vampires decides to move there, but then it drops to a low of wasted opportunities and an unexpectedly silly outcome. The movie promises so much at the start, then fails to live up to its initial self-hype.

The movie setup is simple: vampires are using an estate agent to buy properties in the Bronx. This is done in a comedic format to deliver its plot. Then, these vampires—who have centuries of reasoning—have a monkey wrench thrown in their plan by a young boy trying to save his neighborhood from being bought out.

The movie introduces us to the villains, though I must say don’t expect any masterclass performances from anyone in this film, except for the cameo by Zoe Saldaña. These villains seem to have deep pockets—or at least, that’s how they come across based on their negotiating style. They’ve been buying up all the buildings in the neighborhood, and many people have been going missing. A young boy named Jaden has a plan to unite the neighborhood. He’s planning a block party and inviting everyone, hoping this will bring them together and maybe stop many from selling their homes and shops.

Things change when Jaden witnesses one of the thugs in the neighborhood being eaten by a vampire. He rallies his friends, and they band together to take down these supernatural beings.

The movie doesn’t promise masterful special effects, and the plot is carefully written to avoid the need for them. Then, the children who happen to be taking on these vampires have some extraordinary skills. With one swing, they can drive a stake into the chest of a vampire.

By the end, the movie delves into the realm of annoyance. Here’s a vampire with centuries of existence being taken down by a boy on a bicycle. This scene, which takes place as one of the final takedowns, lacks all common sense, especially since the vampire was holding off an entire block at that moment.

It’s hard to recommend this as a movie to catch on Netflix. It has little to offer, and you’re better off finding another way to entertain yourself.