Eternals (2021)

Eternals (2021)

 

5/10

Starring:

Gemma Chan

Richard Madden

Kumail Nanjiani

Lia McHugh

Brian Tyree Henry

 

Directed by Chloé Zhao

 

I may have taken longer than others to finally see this movie, but in the end, I’m glad I did. The movie isn’t as bad as many make it out to be. I enjoyed having new characters in the MCU to explore, adding new dimensions to the stories, and welcoming the dynamic characters Marvel has woven for itself. However, this movie felt lifeless and easily forgettable.

The cast in Eternals is a strong one, and their combined talents are what really keep the movie going. I loved the cinematography and the lighting effects—they’re worth admiring and probably something for other movies to emulate. The fight scenes were cool too.

The sad thing is the story. While the movie isn’t a total train wreck, I can’t, in good conscience, say it’s as great as the other MCU movies that came before it. It’s not my least favorite MCU movie—that title, for me, is a toss-up between Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) and Thor: The Dark World (2013)—but it’s definitely one of those movies I wouldn’t want to watch again. The story, in my view, overcomplicated itself with betrayals and by killing off some characters that I felt didn’t need to die.

Eternals is the 26th film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) and is directed by Chloé Zhao, who also worked on the screenplay. The movie uses a lot of flashbacks, showing us the Eternals’ place in the cosmic order—what their role is in shaping worlds and why we don’t see them often. After watching Earth grow for centuries, an old threat returns, stronger and more devious. The Eternals must come out of hiding to defeat this threat. Their challenge, however, lies in the fact that their leader has been killed. The new leader doesn’t know how to manage the situation and is torn between fulfilling her purpose and saving humanity.

Meanwhile, there’s betrayal within their ranks, which takes a dramatic turn as they’ve already lost some Eternals in this battle. How they handle the traitor, stop the impending end of the world, and go against their original purpose is something you’ll have to see for yourself.

The movie ends with two post-credit scenes. One hints at a possible future if Disney/Marvel decides to make another Eternals movie, though based on this one, I’m not so sure they will. The second scene introduces a new character to the MCU.

Eternals has its place in the MCU, but I believe there’s been a drop in quality and storytelling—something that seems prevalent in Phase Four, with only Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) breaking that trend.

Clean (2022)

Clean (2022)

 3/10

Starring

Adrien Brody

 

Directed by Paul Solet

 

This Adrien Brody film runs for just 90 minutes, but it still felt like I was watching a 2-hour, 30-minute movie. The pacing was slow to start, dragging on for what seemed like ages before we got into the mind of the man whose wrath we’re supposed to fear.

It felt like a B-movie knock off of John Wick, except without the slow-burn intrigue. The setup was dull, with too much time wasted trying to make us connect with what was about to happen. When the action finally did kick off, everything unfolded so quickly that there wasn’t enough time to appreciate it. Instead, the story fades into a predictable portrayal of life after his "cleanup."

The film attempts to deliver emotional depth, something rarely explored to this extent in movies of this caliber. However, even this aspect felt overplayed with Clean’s supposed good deeds and the repetitive inner monologues about his struggles.

It’s clear that Adrien Brody wanted this movie to be memorable, but despite the love and devotion poured into its creation, it lacked originality.

The story follows Clean as he cleans up not just garbage but also the neighborhood he lives in. He’s a garbage man who volunteers his time for community cleanup and seems tortured by a past that revolves around the loss of his family. There’s a darkness that looms over him, and it becomes clear that his attempts at redemption—through meetings and charity work—are his way of keeping that darkness at bay.

He quietly adopts a protective role toward his neighbor and her granddaughter, becoming a distant yet caring figure in their lives. One day, he rescues the girl from a group of men trying to take advantage of her, using a wrench to take them all down. However, one of those men turns out to be the son of a notorious drug lord. Seeking revenge, the drug lord comes after Clean, but it seems like Clean is ready to take on the world—possibly as a way to unleash the rage he’s been suppressing.

In the end, I couldn’t help but feel this movie would’ve worked better as a short film. All the extended scenes didn’t add much, and you could understand the movie perfectly by watching five minutes of him and the neighbor, followed by the events after the rescue.

I will say, the best thing you can do for yourself is to watch another movie.   

The 355 (2022)

The 355 (2022)

3/10

Starring

Jessica Chastain

Penélope Cruz

Fan Bingbing

Diane Kruger

Lupita Nyong'o

 

Directed by Simon Kinberg

 

I get the idea of wanting to make a female spy-turned-villain flick where the ladies are the heroes. There’s shooting, near misses, jumping off cranes, hanging from balconies, and a big showdown in a dark train tunnel. I get it. But could we at least have a story that makes sense or is worth the time and effort I put into watching this?

We’ve seen countless male-centered movies recycle this same plot repeatedly, and it was already annoying. Now, seeing ladies do the same thing doesn’t make it any less boring. The plot in this story is forgettable, everything feels thrown together, and the directing is poor. The director didn’t tell this story well at all. In fact, they failed to make me feel like the women were doing a good job—even though they saved the world.

The movie also uses the oldest trick in the book: if you don’t see someone die or find their body, they’re not dead. On top of that, there’s that ridiculous trope where lovers betray each other, and when one has the chance to exact revenge, they chicken out. Sure, maybe 10% of people would do that, but the other 90%? They’d take their shot.

Our lead, Mace (Jessica Chastain), is supposed to be a badass. Yet, she does that foolish "chicken out" move, and it results in the deaths of her friends and the loved ones of her newly formed female clique.

Here’s the plot without giving too much away:
A planned drug deal goes bust as we discover it wasn’t a drug deal at all—it was a weapons deal. The officers monitoring the house, waiting for the right moment to bust in, were shocked by what they overheard. The item being sold was a drive that could hack into anything. The officers stormed in when a double-cross failed, and almost everyone died.

One of the officers managed to steal the drive and tried to sell it to a government agency—in this case, the CIA, involving Mace. The CIA brokers a deal, and Mace is sent with Nick (her partner and longtime lover) to retrieve the drive. But things don’t go as planned, and Mace ends up under suspicion. She then reaches out to her British agent friend, Khadijah, to help her retrieve the drive while dealing with a female German operative who’s also after it.

I’m so sick and tired of lazy writing where characters jet from one end of the world to the other chasing bad guys. And bad guys who, for some reason, decide the best way to move things around is by creating an overly complicated web of transactions. It only makes things easier for the good guys to infiltrate, unnecessarily complicating what was supposed to be their simple plan.

The action scenes didn’t make up for the poor writing and directing.

Hotel Transylvania 4: Transformation (2022)

Hotel Transylvania 4: Transformation (2022)

 

3/10

 

Starring the voices of:

Andy Samberg

Selena Gomez

Kathryn Hahn  

Directed by Derek Drymon and Jennifer Kluska

 

This animation was such a mess that Sony decided to sell it off to Amazon rather than risk spending more money promoting and distributing it in cinemas. It was a poor attempt to entertain, and I’m sad that Genndy Tartakovsky failed with this latest entry in the franchise. While Genndy didn’t direct this one like the previous movies, he did write the story and work on the screenplay. Even Adam Sandler didn’t return to voice Drac; instead, Brian Hull took over the role.

The third movie in this Sony animated franchise was already a bust for me. Even the now-popular dance sequence at the end couldn’t make up for the mess that movie delivered. Like the third movie, the animation quality here was subpar, and the whole thing felt like a blatant money grab without a story worth watching.

We start off with the 125th anniversary of the hotel. Johnny was being his usual annoying self, and Drac was losing his patience. Drac had planned to retire and hand the hotel over to Mavis and Johnny but wasn’t ready to let Johnny take charge of anything. When the news leaked, Mavis and Johnny found out, forcing Drac to change his mind. He lied to Johnny, saying it was because Johnny was human.

Johnny, determined to prove himself, turned to Van Helsing to help him become a monster. When Drac found out, he tried to reverse it but only made things worse. What followed was one of the least entertaining chase sequences and some of the most uninspired animated moments I’ve seen. After overusing the monster transformation equipment, it broke down completely. Helsing informed them that they’d have to travel to South America to get a new crystal to fix everything before Mavis discovered what was going on.

This led to a long, boring, and predictable journey to South America, which focused on Drac and Johnny bonding in the most annoying way possible.

Looking back at the franchise, the first movie lacked suspense and didn’t meet expectations. The second movie, however, was a huge improvement. It introduced Johnny and Mavis’s child, Dennis, and the storyline about his vampire genes kicking in through his love for the little werewolf girl added charm. Plus, the addition of Vlad, voiced by Mel Brooks, made it even more entertaining.

The third movie, though, felt overcrowded with too many characters. This latest installment tried to fix that by narrowing the focus to Drac and Johnny, sidelining most of the original cast. Unfortunately, like the first movie, the story here was weak, and the screenplay failed to deliver any meaningful entertainment.

Sing 2 (2021)

Sing 2 (2021)

6/10

Starring

Matthew McConaughey

Reese Witherspoon

Scarlett Johansson

Taron Egerton

 

Directed by Garth Jennings

 

The movie has the same feel as the first Sing. If you liked the first movie, you’ll likely enjoy this one too. Sing is a CGI animation from Illumination Studios. I expected to see Minions 2 before this, but I guess Universal had other plans, pushing Minions back to later in 2022.

To be honest, there was no need for Sing 2. The way Sing (2016) ended wrapped everything up nicely, but since it was a financial success, Universal decided to milk the franchise. This new movie is essentially the same tune on a different instrument. This time, our group has hit it big locally, with the new Moon Theatre consistently selling out. Now, they want to move to the big leagues and perform in larger, more prestigious venues.

A scout attends one of their local shows but doesn’t connect with it. She doesn’t think their production is ready for the big stage. As you can guess, Moon, after a burst of inspiration, decides not to accept the criticism. Instead, he sneaks himself and his group into an audition with entertainment mogul Jimmy Crystal.

If you compare this setup to the first movie, it’s just too similar. There’s no real evolution or change in the challenges faced by the characters. Once again, Moon is up against the odds, finding a way to push himself and his group to the front of the line while convincing Crystal they’re more than they seem.

From the start, the movie doesn’t shy away from showcasing some classic oldies that will make you want to sit back and chill. The noticeable difference in Sing 2 is the inclusion of more current popular songs that will have you nodding along.

The writing tries to raise the stakes for Moon. Not only has he promised Crystal a killer show on a whim, but he’s also pledged to deliver a legendary singer, Calloway, who hasn’t been seen in over 15 years. At this point, the movie doesn’t bother with suspense. Somehow, Moon and his assistant manage to track down Calloway in a matter of minutes, even though no one else has found him in years.

That’s the setup for the movie: Moon scrambling to prove himself to Crystal while also terrified of confronting him, and the added challenge of convincing Calloway to join the show.

Sing 2, like I said, wasn’t necessary, but it’s still a good family movie. It probably won’t make waves at the box office, and honestly, I hope there isn’t a Sing 3.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

 

3/10

Starring

Kaya Scodelario

Hannah John-Kamen

Robbie Amell

Tom Hopper

 

Directed by Johannes Roberts

 

The movie has the feel of a low-budget horror flick, which I don’t think it was meant to be. This reboot of the Resident Evil franchise spends over thirty minutes on characters talking and meandering, leaving you waiting for something significant to happen.

I remember the first Resident Evil video game, where you could choose to play as either Chris Redfield or Jill Valentine, with each character having unique strengths. This movie tries to capture the essence of the first game, as it’s an adaptation of the first two Resident Evil games.

In the movie, Chris and Jill are partners, just like in the game, but their story is lazily tied to the larger Umbrella Corporation saga. Jill’s role is underwhelming, with minimal impact on the plot and far less screen time than the main characters.

The biggest letdown of this movie is the underdeveloped characters. Chris and Claire’s orphanage background is briefly touched on, but it feels like a missed opportunity. We see Claire hitch-hiking back to the town she left and breaking into her brother Chris’s house to show him a video from a friend asking for help. Claire is portrayed as a sort of investigative journalist, but this aspect of her character isn’t explored much.

As the story progresses, we learn that Umbrella, through one of its agents in the city, plans to destroy Raccoon City to contain the virus. Chris and Claire’s past, which is hinted at throughout, never gets fully fleshed out. All we learn is that the orphanage was essentially a testing ground for Umbrella, where children were used as test subjects for their experiments.

The plot fails to even meet the low bar set by the previous films starring Milla Jovovich. With all the tools at its disposal, it’s baffling how this movie managed to fail so spectacularly. The film attempts to offer a fresh perspective by giving Claire—introduced in the game series with Resident Evil 2—a lead role, as she’s the one piecing everything together and trying to involve her brother.

The movie’s B-movie vibe starts with Claire arriving in Raccoon City and surviving several near-death experiences before her brother and the other officers are called in to investigate.

What I appreciated about the first six Resident Evil movies was the introduction of a new character, Alice (played by Milla Jovovich), whose storyline ran parallel to the main game characters. This allowed for fresh stories that occasionally intersected with the game’s narrative.

After watching this reboot, I can only wish I hadn’t bothered.

Last Looks (2021)

 

Last Looks (2021)

 

3/10

Starring

Charlie Hunnam

Mel Gibson

 

Directed by Tim Kirkby

This movie is absolute nonsense because the director failed to make the actors matter in their scenes or in the events that concerned them. The plot unfolds as though the characters already know how everything will end, so when you expect them to be worried or act differently, they just don’t.

The movie is based on a book called Last Looks by Howard Michael Gould, who also wrote the screenplay. Unfortunately, Last Looks is anything but worth your time. It follows a retired police officer who was once one of the most decorated young officers in his district. His retirement is treated as a big mystery for about a quarter of the movie, but the reveal—he put the wrong guy in jail and ruined his own life—feels like a waste of time.

He’s asked to get involved in a case concerning an actor, Alastair (played by Mel Gibson), who’s being investigated for the murder of his wife. The problem is, Alastair is a drunk and can’t seem to piece anything together.

Initially, the retired officer (Charlie Hunnam as Charlie Waldo) refuses the case. But somehow, without even officially taking it on, he finds himself dragged into another layer of mystery. The friend/lover who initially asked him to join her investigation goes missing after their visit. Waldo only learns about this when some so-called intimidators show up to inform him that the studio Alastair works for has issued a press release claiming Waldo has officially taken the case.

The missing friend ends up being the driving force behind Waldo’s involvement, but the director didn’t make this a compelling reason. Instead, the lead character remains weirdly complacent about his friend’s disappearance while halfheartedly pursuing a case he said he didn’t even want to take. I kept wondering: When is he going to start looking for his missing friend?

But the director had other plans. It turns out the missing friend was deeply involved in investigating a high-level gangster named Don Q, who’s behind her disappearance. This revelation comes halfway through the movie, so you’d think the story would now shift to Waldo focusing on finding her. But no—he continues diving into the Alastair case instead.

The movie eventually dismisses the entire missing friend subplot with what they call a twist, but I’d call it lazy writing. By the end, Waldo’s attention is back on the Alastair case, which ultimately boils down to money.

Honestly, there are far better things I could’ve done with my time than watch this movie.